Love, Heartbreak

If He Can't Figure Out If He Wants To Be With You, Decide FOR Him

Photo: weheartit
If He Cant Figure Out Whether He Wants To Be With You Decide

To a point, I think most girls end up having a guy who isn't really sure whether he wants to be with you. It's always painful. It makes you wonder why you're not enough. For some reason, it also usually drives us to compete for a guy's attention, maybe because we want to prove that we're the best option out there.

I remember when it first happened to me back in high school. He was my second boyfriend, ever. I was a junior, he was a senior, and a brand new freshman girl had just gotten his attention. She was flirting with him, he was flirting back, and I was fuming with him.

So, I asked him who he wanted to pick: his girlfriend, or the new freshman. "I'm still deciding," he said. It stung for me, and it stings for anyone going through this.


The problem with a guy who doesn't know what he wants is that you're often stuck wondering how to convince him that you're the right pick, and it stings for a variety of reasons. It stings because he should see why you're a better match for him. It stings because he makes you an option, when you made him a priority. It stings because he basically is disrespecting you by expecting you to wait around while he makes a decision.

The fact is, knowing that a guy could see us as a "maybe" makes us all feel small and unworthy. It makes us feel like we should fight for him, as if he's a trophy that needs to be won. In a weird way, it makes us feel like we should be vying for his attention if only because we feel that we need to validate our worth in others' eyes.

We should be getting angry. Looking back, I shouldn't have even considered waiting around for him. I should have been pissed. I should have made the decision for him. I should have let him go because he clearly didn't value me as much as he should have.

Questions began to flood my mind, and with each question, I got angrier. Why should I have to sit by while he dates around? Why does he think I'm not good enough? Is he really acting this entitled? Why isn't he being respectful?


With my high school sweetheart, the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to be with him. I dumped him for someone else shortly after it all sank in. I don't regret my decision, but he sure as hell regretted telling me he was still deciding.

The fact is, guys who don't see the value you bring to the table don't deserve you. And make no mistake about it, if he's still "deciding," he doesn't see your full worth. If he's really into you, it will be a near-instant decision. If he can't decide, you can't win.

Think about it: If you chose to stick around, it would most likely lead to one of two outcomes:

  1. He'll string you along for a couple weeks, months, or years... only to pick someone else and waste all your time.
  2. He'll string you along, choose you, then have you grow resentful of the fact that you had to "win" him over. You might even feel like he settled for you.

Is it really worth staying if that's what you could look forward to? Your best bet is to stop wasting your time with him and start looking for someone who is actually into you.


You also can't make him decide. Trust me, I've tried this in the past. I've cajoled, bribed, and even cried to get a guy to pick me. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. All the tactics you can try won't guarantee his decision, nor is it something that you want. All it ever accomplishes is a wrecked self-esteem.

That being said, there is someone that you can convince to do right by you: yourself. Get up, brush yourself off, and walk away. Sometimes, you need to be the one to make the decision for someone else, because they aren't smart enough to see what's really the best option.