Self, Sex

6 Ways Birth Control Would Be Totally Different If MEN Took It Daily

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birth control for men

Let's be clear on one thing: Birth control is a pretty amazing invention. We all agree on that, yes?

The fact that we can ingest an off-switch prior to bumping uglies that prevents tiny harrowing bundles of joy from popping out of our nethers is a true miracle of science.

But birth control isn’t perfect. I’m not talking about efficacy. I know just enough about math to be totally fine with a 99.9% success rate. I’m talking about the side effects.

True story: Since starting birth control, I no longer type with my fingers, my massive swollen titties do all the leg work. Thank god for spell check.

Weight gain, water retention, breakouts, mood swings, verily, these are prices we agree to pay for the right to enjoy a little baby-free lovin’.

No one really tries to change these things, because, you know, it’s a woman problem.

We don’t exactly live in a society known for caring about those things very much. Sure, the male birth control pill exists, but how many dudes do you know who actually take it?

Things would be SO different if dudes had to take to birth control

1. Forget Weight Gain

Forget weight gain, if dudes had to take birth control I guarantee you it would somehow be a pill that also helped them lose weight.

2. Hair Loss Wouldn’t Exist

No man on this earth would ever go bald again because birth control pills would also come laced with a hair thickening and growing supplement.

3. Penis Size Would Increase

You honestly think that a man would take a pill to prevent him from sperming successfully and not need some incentive like an extra inch, or maybe some added girth?

4. The Abortion Debate Would Stop

With birth control put squarely on the shoulders of the male of the species, the entire debate surrounding abortion would have to stop. Because if any woman got pregnant accidentally it would be the man’s fault and they would do anything to hide their failure. Including fully funding Planned Parenthood.

5. Safe Sex Would Be Sexy

“Yeah that’s right, I’ve been taking my pill like a champ, and to really knock her socks off, I’ve been tested, and I don’t fluid-bond with someone until there’s an agreement regarding monogamy.”

6. There Could Be A Potential Rise In The Birth Rate

Because dudes are incapable of remembering to do things like “take a pill once a day”. After the initial second coming of the baby boom, the pill would be changed so that a small little man came into your home in the night and gave it to you while you were sleeping, thus removing responsibility for one more thing from the shoulder’s of the male.

What else do you think would different if guys had to take the pill? Tell tell tell.