10 Things Women Are Guilty Of During Boring, Sub-Par Sex

Like fantasizing about Ryan Gosling, for example.

10 Things ALL Women Are Guilty Of During Boring, Sub-Par Sex Unsplash: Emma Lopez

By Mary Patterson Broome

So-so sex is a bummer, but it happens to the best (and horniest) of us. Whether it’s a new dude you just aren’t grooving with or someone you’ve been bedding on the reg for a while, there can’t always be fireworks and rainbows. Even the most chemically aligned couples can have lulls.

It's always good to try out different tactics when you're dealing with meh sex, but also not unreasonable for our minds to wander during the deed.


Here, 10 things all gals are occasionally guilty of doing during blah boning—even if they’d never ‘fess up to it:

1. Fantasizing About a Celebrity or Someone Else You’ve Had Sex With

Random mid-sex thoughts might start with what you'd like to eat for breakfast, but eventually it all leads to Channing Tantum, Tim Riggins, or your high school boyfriend. Perhaps all three?

The mind wants what it wants, and it’s not always the naked guy who’s currently on top of you.

2. Attempting Dirty Talk

Chances are you’re with someone who could amp up his game by whispering sweet sexy nothings in your ear. And you've probably got to take the initiative on that. Let's just hope he gets a little more creative with his responses to your naughty questions (because "yup" is kind of a lady boner killer).


3. Doing All of the Positions and Locations in Your House

Five positions, one countertop, and a bean bag chair later, your body is contorted like the gymnast you never knew you were. Sadly, he’s upside-down boning—and it's STILL boring. Maybe the shower will be better?

4. Faking an Orgasm to Finish Faster

You’ve given it the old college try, but this love-makin’ sesh just isn’t cutting the mustard. You’re bored, you’re tired, and you see chafed nipples in your future. While you know "fake it 'til you make it" doesn't apply to your orgasm, sometimes desperate times call for a helluva faux finish. And scene.

5. Busting Out the Cherry-Flavored Edible Underwear


You bought it at a highway gas station as a joke, but now you find yourself desperate for anything to make this intercourse interesting. Sometimes you've got to strap a little sugar to your vagina to make it work. Let's hope it does.

6. Dozing Off

It happens…okay, maybe not that often. But if he’s on the 5th round of going down under to try and turn this around, you could easily go from being turned on to being put to sleep. Hey, the experience can be relaxing if no longer stimulating!

7. Talking About Literally Anything Besides Boning

Hasn’t the weather been crazy? Did his boss ever give him feedback on that new proposal? What crazy sh*t did Trump say this week? Before you know it, you two have come up with a formula for world peace and planned your next vacation.


8. Noticing Details of His Body

Is that a new mole on his armpit? It seems to have enough hair growing out of it to cover an entire head. And when’s the last time he manscaped? It’s a damn jungle down there. Would it be inappropriate to ask him if you can take care of that whitehead forming on this lower back?

9. Pulling an "Is That My Phone?"

Never mind that you never even answer your phone if you’re sitting on the couch alone in the middle of the day, you just need an excuse to hop off this bed and pretend this was all a really bad dream—and maybe grab a snack.

10. Thinking, “Wait, What’s This Guy’s Name Again?”

One-night stands are so much better in theory than execution.