14 Unfortunate Signs You're TOTALLY His Rebound

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By Claire Hannum

Nothing temporarily numbs the sting of a breakup quite like a rebound relationship. Yes, they can occasionally be totally toxic, but under the right circumstances, they can actually be really beneficial. Hell, sometimes they can even grow into something amazing!

This only works, however, when both people in the rebound are on the same page about what the relationship is. In other words, there are few things more cruel than dragging an unwitting new partner into your emotional baggage while letting them believe your new relationship is the real deal. Sometimes, though, someone won’t even admit to themselves that they’re rebounding, much less the person they’re seeing.

Here, a few clues that you’re a rebound to your fresh-out-of-a-relationship partner.

1. They’re totally in love with you for no real reason.

Not that you’re not amazing and lovable or anything, but they barely know you well enough to even know that yet.

Are they calling you The One even though you just met, like, ten seconds ago? In quiet moments, between basking in the adoration, do you feel sort of like a blank canvas they’re projecting their feelings onto?

2. The relationship moves really fast and really slow at the same time.

On the surface, your relationship is growing at warp speed. Within a few weeks, they’re declaring their love for you, you’re all but living together, and nearly every waking moment is spent in each other’s company.

Weirdly, though, you feel like you’ve barely gotten to know them in between all those grandiose declarations and epic sex sessions, and there’s a strange lack of actual commitment compared to how much time they spend with you.

3. Your connection either feels abnormally fulfilling or totally empty.

Is this person conveniently everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner and so emotionally available so quickly that they seem to have literally nothing else going on in their lives? Does that make you wonder sometimes if it’s all too good to be true?

That, friends, is the danger zone, second only to a coupling that leaves you feeling lonely and empty when you’re together.

4. You sense a lingering bitterness over their ex.

Maybe they insist they’re over their last relationship, but now and then they lash out, seemingly out of nowhere, about what a monster their former lover is.

5. They seem really into making their ex jealous.

They parade you around like a prop at parties where their ex is in attendance or get a bizarre, twitchy look of satisfied malice in their eyes when hitting the “post” button on couple-y selfies of you two, like they’re barely stifling the wicked laugh of a movie villain. Creepy.

6. Or they’re just plain fixated on the ex in general.

Do they talk about the pain of their past relationship ad nauseam? Do they still keep an excessive amount of pictures of the ex around the house? Do they cry on your shoulder about their heartbreak a lot?

Make no mistake, it is not some great honor that you have been chosen to nurse their feelings back to health, and no, you cannot “fix” them. It’s easy to assume that once they’ve finally healed from the breakup, they’ll look to you as the valiant goddess who swept into their life at just the right time to make it all better, but odds are they’ll just sort of forget you exist.

If you can barely squeeze in a moment of actual fun between all their histrionics about their ex, run, don’t walk.

7. You have tons of sex.

There are a million other reasons you might be having tons of great sex with someone you’re into (THANK GOD), but rebounders in particular like to use sex as a means of distraction that allows them to feel connected to someone without diving into the nitty gritty of deeper emotions.

If they claim to be in a committed, “serious” relationship with you, yet never want to talk about anything more profound than the weather in between banging your brains out, take it as a warning sign.

8. The end of their former relationship was a big shock to them.

When a person knows their relationship is dead long before it actually ends, they have more time to mourn it and may take less time to heal after it’s finally over. If this bae was dumped out of the blue and left reeling, chances are higher that they haven’t had enough time to heal before committing to someone new.

9. They want to act like a longterm couple even though you just started dated.

Maybe they’ve already decided on what side of the bed you’ll sleep on, or force the creation of “adorable” inside jokes. They talk to you as if you’ve been together for years instead of for a few damn seconds. They want to lounge around the house with you in sweats and run errands together instead of going out and about like newer couples tend to do. 

They already have a set relationship routine (probably leftover from their ex), and you’ve just been dropped into the middle of it.

10. You don’t have much in common.

Of course you don’t, because all you’re doing is having sex and watching Netflix like they did with their ex.

11. Their interest in you suddenly changes or runs hot and cold.

Does their obsession with you abruptly morph into a cold distance that is way more dramatic than your typical end-of-honeymoon settling into each other? Are they inexplicably moody? Do they exhibit classic commitmentphobe behaviors?

In the wake of their last breakup, they don’t know what they want or what the hell they’re even doing, and you’re getting caught in the crossfire.

12. They don’t know much about themselves.

Most people have hobbies, life goals, anything that establishes who they are as individuals. Right after a breakup, it’s easy to feel like those things have changed or disappeared completely. If they can’t tell you much of anything about themselves besides retelling the trauma of the breakup, it’s a pretty clear sign they haven’t taken the time to heal and reassess who they are without their ex.

13. You feel like you’re constantly being measured against some invisible yardstick.

Maybe you’re being told all the time out of the blue that you’re so much better than their ex, or you can tell they’re silently keeping a running tab between you and them.

14. And you have a nagging feeling that you were the first person they picked out of a lineup.

This is such an awful way to feel, and once the idea’s in your head, it’s hard to ignore. It also means it’s time to RUN. 

This won’t be fun if you’ve started to get invested in this person, but sticking around and hoping they’ll magically love you for who you really are and leave their ex in the dust will just hurt that much more. Set yourself free!

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This article was originally published at Self. Reprinted with permission from the author.