Have Kids Or Don't — But Don't Let The Internet Decide For You

Have we just forfeited our brains now? Is it over?

Have Kids Or Don't — But Don't Let The Internet Decide For You Pixel 4 Images / Shutterstock

Please tell me — is there anything more anal retentive than those who allow the billion bloggers of the internet to influence them to such a degree that they actually believe having a child is not only a terrible thing but a heinous experience that they would never ever want for themselves?

This "fear of having children" trend is exactly that: a trend that can be processed in any number of ways, but most importantly — not by experience. If being a young woman and not having kids sounds like the train you want to get on, then hoist yourself on over to Twitter where you can find yourself amongst an entire gaggle of inexperienced, self-indulgent women who live in fear of bringing children into the world, while making a better life for themselves by staying safe, online, in the company of bloggers.


It’s one thing to not want kids — I get that. That’s a decision that comes fairly easily to the woman who knows what she wants in this life. However, it’s an entirely different thing when you go online to find out what you’re supposed to be thinking that day.

Have we just forfeited our brains now? Is it over? Because each and every day seems to bring a new order from above and by "above" I mean random jackasses who say whatever comes to their minds on the internet. 

RELATED: What To Do If You Regret Having Your Kids


Please tell me we’re not making all decisions based on what’s trending now on Facebook.

And please, for the love of whatever is left of our pasteurized brains, don’t tell me that we now turn to the Great Online Opinion to learn the "facts" about having and raising children. “Children are scary and demanding! Run like hell and don’t look back, lest you get sucked into the infernal burden that lies in something other than navel-gazing and searching for the perfect dude,” so says the trend.

If you don’t want a kid, don’t have one. But please don’t feed this notion that kids are a scary burden.

Yes, they’re a burden and they smell and cry and eat babies — oh no, wait, that’s not what Facebook said, is it? Do kids eat other babies? Get to Twitter and quick, tweet that s**t out now!


The "truth", according to the Internet, is that kids are disease-ridden bringers of the apocalypse and in each one lies a murderous ruiner of lives — most especially that host thing called "mother". Under no circumstances must you submit to this treachery. 

Save yourselves, women! Through that precious vagina of yours: NONE SHALL PASS. Unless of course you find that perfect dude, then of course *TEE HEE* let him in! Because finding a guy is numero uno and having a kid is against nature — obviously!

I am a mother. And yeah, it’s hard and it’s overwhelming, but man, oh man, I'm so glad I had my own brain to rely on when it was my turn to choose whether or not to bring the greatest person I’ve ever known into the world. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I subjected myself to all these trite opinions.

What the hell would life be like if, instead of thinking on my own, I decided that the internet was my ‘real’ mind? Well then, I’d have no kid and I’d be wallowing in righteous indignation, knowing that the Internet decided the right thing for me.


RELATED: Exactly What To Do If You Can't Agree About Having Kids

If you can have a kid and the internet hasn’t made you into a fearful prophet of doom, then have a damn kid!

Have a kid if your body can have one. Have a kid and let them join in with your fur babies. Have that kid and speak from experience, rather than fear. Have a child if you're fortunate enough to have one and allow yourself the full experience of being a mother and a parent — and see what it’s like to watch a human grow.

Have a child and take a chance on experiencing all that love you heard about feeling before the Grand Opinionators taught you otherwise. Have a child in spite of how difficult it is because lady, let me tell you; having a child is glorious and you will never regret it a day in your life.


Nothing’s ever been easy in my motherhood. I’m single, I’ve seen poverty, disease and mental illness.

I’ve been through some very hard times with my daughter but every single second of it has been gorgeous, glorious and worthwhile.

If you really want to know love — have a kid. If you want to know Twitter, get online and tweet about the horrors of bringing a child into the world. And don’t forget to pat yourself on the back for being such a warrior of truth and light.


Hey, at least you can say you played it safe.

RELATED: I Think I Would Be A Happier Person If I Never Had Kids

Dori Hartley is primarily a portrait artist. As an essayist and a journalist, she can be read in The Huffington Post, ParentDish, YourTango, The Daily Beast, Psychology Today, More Magazine, XOJane, MyDaily and The Stir. Her art books ‘Beauty’, ‘Antler Velvet’, and 'Mads Mikkelsen: Portraits of the Actor' are all available on Amazon.