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If you're not scared, you're not doing it right.
By The Good Men Project — Last updated on May 17, 2023
By Scarlet Amor
For eight years I've been calling in a life partner…
Why did it take me so long? Because I was searching for the elusive "evolved man" — a mythical creature that exists in the dreamy minds of Goddess-type women who preach atop sparkly pedestals claiming they are not "being met" by the men they are currently dating.
I desired a partner who is remarkable, like me. And I would not settle for less until I found "him"… a man who is dedicated to a path of personal evolution has a high vision of the life he wishes to live, and lives into it every day.
Yeah right, like I am perfect and evolved!
But I AM capable and willing to do "the work" to be a better human. So, I figured my mate should be the same way.
What the heck is an "evolved man," anyway?
A man who has conquered his own emotional, spiritual, and personal growth work and takes responsibility for his life.
A man who is true to his word takes action and lives with integrity.
A man who loves himself so much that he cares for his body, his health, his finances, and his home and keeps all aspects of his life in tip-top shape.
A man who has mastered the fine skills of energetic lovemaking, meditation, yoga, and ecstatic dance and can give me orgasms with one glance of his eyes.
A man who has “done the work” to be a better person and has his diplomas from The Good Men Project, Landmark, Tony Robbins, and Deepak Chopra on the wall to prove it.
Well, guess what, ladies: Once you find a man like this, you better be scared.
Here are 5 reasons it should scare you that you found "the one:"
1. No matter how many Ester-Hicks affirmations you have posted on your bathroom mirror, in the presence of a remarkable evolved man, ALL of your emotional, spiritual, and personal baggage will climb out from the dark corners of your mind
There is no space in this relationship for you to fall back on old stories of how you were once done wrong by an "un-evolved man" in the past.
Be prepared for your personal stuff to be stirred and smeared on your holy mirror and accept that only YOU are responsible for how you will respond to your "triggers." He will hold you accountable and will not settle for your emotional, self-righteous rants.
2. It's easy to make a list of all the ways YOU think you are impeccable with your word, but an evolved man will hold a mirror to your soul and reveal all your blind spots
If he says he will pick you up at 8 pm, he will show up on time — while you are still in the bathroom sticking just a few more sparkle bindis on your forehead, which means YOU are late.
You complain that your car needs an oil change and post on Facebook that you are "manifesting a mechanic who will trade for crystals," while he is already under the hood getting it done. You have a dusty vision board on your wall with photos of dreams you wish to achieve, while he is busy making his life happen.
Time to step it up!
3. Sure, I generally eat healthy (with a daily side of wine and cheese) and somehow get my rent paid at the end of each month, but am I really living up to my fullest potential
I desired a man who is stable and wealthy, in tip-top shape, cooked gourmet farmers market organic meals every night, and lives in my future dream home that I would eventually move into and make our own … while I was frankly broke, flabby, living in a ghetto apartment and eating In-n-Out Burgers on Wednesday nights in front of the TV.
When you meet your dream man, prepare to start scrambling to clean up your life!
4. My previous boyfriend didn't know a lick of yoga, thought chakras were bulls***, and spent his days stalking hippies on the Internet to prove their motivational message memes were wrong
This left me doing my Tantra yoga poses and prayer circles on my own, and we eventually broke up, because he wasn't "spiritual enough."
Then enters Mr. Evolved Man who gets up at the crack of dawn every single morning to meditate, hits Bikram three times a week, and can run circles around you doing handstands while you are still sipping on your Starbucks after your once-a-month ecstatic dance class. Wiping the dust out of your eyes, you begrudgingly buy that unlimited monthly pass card for the yoga studio down the street so you can keep up with him.
5. You boast that you were a keynote speaker at "Lightning in a Bottle" last year at the Yoga Dome. You don't need any more self-help diplomas, YOU are the expert now!
In the meantime, HE is a student of life, always learning, always growing, and always seeking new inspiration and perspective from his mentors because he knows that NOT KNOWING is a place of power. He accepts that he is a work in progress and loves you just the way you are … then signs you up for a year of Landmark education that kicks your spiritual butt to the ground.
Yes, you may think you have the upper hand as a Goddess-type woman who is already "evolved," because a lot of "dudes" out there still don't get it. But until you accept that you have tons to learn from someone else and that their life accomplishments are amazingly different than your own, you will never be met.
There is no such thing as an "evolved man!"
Look instead for someone who is in the process of "evolv-ING" — and when you find him, take his hand that is reaching for yours, step off your Goddess pedestal, and climb up the steep road of life together as partners who can support one another along the way.
And if you are not scared, you are doing it wrong.
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Scarlet Amor is a freelance writer, author, and relationship coach.