The 8 "Golden Rules" Of Filming A Naughty Vid With Your Boo

Thinking of playing a little very candid camera with your other half?

Engaging in your own sexual shoot, whether as the star or the director or both, can automatically make things more dramatic and theatrical, even if you end up keeping most of your clothes on or refuse to make any cliched "orgasm faces."

But, without thinking things through, the results can be unflattering, embarrassing or even publicly humiliating (much more likely results than the empire born out of the butt of Kim Kardashian's sex tape). So take heed:

1. Only do it with someone you trust with your life.

Or at least someone you have incriminating dirt on so you have something to bargain with should they threaten to release your video to the public.

2. That said, you probably shouldn’t make a sex “tape” unless you’re OK with it ending up online.

You just never know.

3. You don’t have to look, sound or act like a porn star or producer to whip out a camera during your next romp in the bedroom.

So, don't stress about "dialogue" or dirty talk — just do your thing. The mere fact that you're recording yourself having sex will feel dirty enough.

4. You don’t have to include your full bodies in the shot.

You don't even have to show anything that dirty. Try a cool angle, like from the head of the bed (but remember, never from below lest you look like beached whales) or a close head-&-shoulders crop: the focus can be on your expressions, your sounds and the intimacy of the moment.

Or shoot everything but your faces.

5. Along the same lines of less is more, if you have any body parts you’re self conscious about, then by all means use an item of clothing, a blanket, a pillow, dramatic chiaroscuro lighting or your partner to hide them.

6. If your video camera's got one, turn on its night-vision feature.

It obscures imperfections and creates a funky, sci-fi look. Plus, you can shoot entirely in the dark, which is a tequila-free method of loosening inhibitions.

7. If your squeaky mattress gives the video a slapstick feel, then cut the sound and replace it with your favorite in-the-mood song.

(A million Hollywood directors can't be wrong.)

8. To be on the safe side, consider erasing all incriminating evidence immediately afterwards.

And no, that doesn't defeat the purpose: Creating a naughty video together is more about the process than the end result.

Plus, if you delete it immediately, there's no chance that Aunt Mabel will accidentally stumble upon your "art" when she's nosily scrolling through your camera at the family reunion.

This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.