Dear Husbands: The Bible Does NOT Advocate "Raping" Your Wife

When I saw the link come across my screen, I was sure it must have been for a satire article. "Christian Website Says Wives Must Yield For Sex, No Questions Asked," it boldly exclaimed. And as I read through the article I became even more certain it must be a joke.

In the article, the author details the writings of another author from the site Biblical Gender Roles, a site filled with audacious posts headed under titles such as "Christian Husbands: You Don't Pay For The Milk When You Own The Cow."

The website is conveniently written by an anonymous author, which may actually be the only smart thing this man has done, because if you vomit disgusting views into the world, you're going to need a place to hide. (Although the author does admit to having been divorced ... BIG SURPRISE!)

In his unholy ramblings, this "Christian" man discusses why a woman has no right to say no to her husband — and what he should do if she does.

He basically advocates for rape and gives on to give tips on how to make raping your wife easier.

Oh, HELL NO.

As a Christian woman who's recovering from being raped by her husband, I'm in fear for this man's current (and past) wife for the following 4 reasons:

(And even more than that, I'm in fear for this man's eternal future because as a Christian, I believe in Hell.)

1. A husband doesn't own his wife's body.

One of the most common verses used to support this man's position (and many other twisted conservative Christian views on marital sex) is from 1st Corinthians. It states, "A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does."

The problem is that the verse is always pulled so grossly out of context. The entirety of that passage talks about how married couples belong to each other, and in fact it goes on to say that a wife has control over her husband's body.

The point it's making is about a mutual connection in a relationship, not a literal right of ownership. I have a feeling this man read the first part and decided to "buy the cow" before reading the rest of the instructions. 

2. A wife has the RIGHT to say "no" to sex.

The author claims that "a Christian wife should never give her husband a flat no but she can humbly and gently ask for a delay," and this delay "must be done humbly and respectfully, and always with the attitude in mind that her body does belong to her husband."

WTF.

As any Christian man should know, your wife's needs should come before your own desires. If we're talking Christianity here — and a Christian is supposedly someone who strives to live like Christ — then we're talking about someone who should put other people's needs before their own.

If a wife is saying "no" to sex, her husband should spend his time figuring out what's making her feel that way instead of ignoring her needs to suit his own. 

3. The Bible doesn't advocate rape.

And what if the wife continues to say no to sex? The author claims that "a wife does not have the right to stand and deny her husband access to her body," adding that she can ask for a delay with a "legitimate" reason but "the judge of what is legitimate or not is her husband."

This man is advocating for rape. If a woman says "no," the answer is "no," no matter what you think about it. If you don't like the answer, then set up marriage counseling. Again, assuming we're still talking in Christian-speak, God gave us all free will, and that applies to every woman, married or not.

4. The Bible doesn't have rape instructions.

The author then goes on (continuing to throw himself under the bus) and tries to give what I'm calling "rape help."

Your wife doesn't want to have sex with you? No problem, you just need to get her relaxed before you go at it (written in sarcasm font, accompanied by dramatic eye roll).

What he actually says, and this is a direct quote, is that "He ought to use foreplay and touch various parts of her body and massage her in an attempt to relax her. He could also use oral sex as a way to help her get lubricated and if that is not working, use an artificial lubricant to help."

Or, you could just NOT do that. As I've said before, in a REAL Christian marriage, you talk to your wife. If she doesn't want to have sex, you respect that decision.

.....

The Bible doesn't advocate for rape, and as a Christian I'm extremely offended to see a Christian website handing out rape tips.

If there's anything this author needs to learn, it's the true meaning in the words of the book he's claiming as his guide.

• "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing her honor as the weaker vessel." (1st Peter)
• "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." (Colossians)
• "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. Love does not delight in evil. It always protects." (1st Corinthians, paraphrased)

A biblical marriage is based in love, the love that God gave two people when he joined them together, NOT in a misguided attempt at authority.

I was raped in my marriage; I was raped just hours after standing in a chapel and committing to share my life with my husband. What happened later that night, and for the next 8 years, was not God-endorsed — it was evil, painful, sick, and absolutely not what I believe God intended for my marriage, or for my life.

This man may claim to be a Christian, but it's a title he's using to mask that he is a rapist.

God does not endorse rape.