Get busy with a book instead of, well, getting busy.
By Aly Walansky — Written on Mar 11, 2015
There’s lots of reason to spend more time relaxing with a good book. It’s a way to release stress, suspend our reality, and just relax. Also, many of us are simply not reading enough. “28% of Americans haven't read a single book in the last year. This has nearly tripled since 1978, when the percentage was 8%”, says Melanie Young of Heart, Mind, and Soul relationship coaching.
But should we be reading a book instead of having sex? Sounds like crazy talk, we know – but there may be some good reason for being busy with a book instead of getting busy tonight.
1. To help build anticipation.
If you are dating someone that you would like a future with perhaps and the relationship is so new that you haven’t had sex yet, there is one great reason to go home and get stuck into a good book: “Once you have sex with a man, you will start getting emotionally attached to him. Meaning that you can no longer make purely logical decisions about this relationship,” says Young. You really want it to work out, and you are invested in it before you know his character enough to know if you are a good match.
For a man it's the opposite, says Young. “A man needs to be emotionally attached to you first, before you he has sex, otherwise, once you have had sex, he will most likely be out looking for a new conquest as he is not attached to you yet,” Young says. “I think Nina Attwood explains this best in her book, Temptations of the Single Girl: “When a woman gives herself away too quickly, she dooms herself to emotional neediness. He makes a few commitment noises, offers some crumbs of affection, and she thinks he’s fallen in love. She has sex with him, opens her heart, and thinks they’re a couple. She’s totally devoted and planning their future, but he’s still checking her out.”
2. To sleep with two "people" at the same time.
Fictional book sex is the best remedy for boring monotonous non-fictional real sex because of a few simple reasons: “Literature vividly describes the things you want and should be doing with your real partner and it lets you mentally experience those things with someone else first. You can sleep with a new book every night and still continue to have a beautiful monogamous relationship during the day,” says romance author Tali Alexander. A good novel will recharge you and sharpen your imagination allowing someone to touch you emotionally. So what do you have to lose? Read tonight and have better sex in the morning!
3. To expand your mind.
Reading expands your mind, helps you to learn new things, keeps your memory sharp, reduces stress and helps you to see other people’s points of view, says Young.
4. To maintain the allure of sexiness.
It’s not sexy, but think about it. Did you have a giant bean burrito for lunch? Have you felt gross since? Maybe if you’ve been together for years, you randomly farting in the heat of the moment will be hilarious. Early in your relationship? You’ll be paralyzed with the embarrassment.
5. To learn new tricks
“Although reading a book can too often be an excuse to not have sex, it can also be an aphrodisiac for sexual encounters to come if the book is an erotic romance novel, a sex how-to book, or a self-help book to nurture your relationship,” says Dr. Carole Lieberman, a well-known Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist and sex therapist.
6. To make sex better
True story: If you wait to have sex, the next time you have sex, it’ll be even better. Don’t make sex an assumed end game; keep the passion alive by being BUSY sometimes, even if that means taking a time out to read a trashy romance novel!
7. To never be disappointed.
“Unlike that blind date from last week, a book can't disappoint you, and you don't have to worry about when you should call it back,” says adult performer Casey Calvert. Relax. Enjoy some fantasy. A great book can be better than a good vibrator.
8. To exercise a different erogenous zone
The standard ones are easy. When was the last time you stimulated your brain? “It's a key component in sexual arousal, so give it a workout. You don't have to read an erotic novel either. What's satisfying is often unexpected!” says Calvert.