Brown-Eyed Lovers Are Best! What Your Face Says About YOUR Sex Life

The human face is far more intricate in its ability to convey your inner thoughts than you think. While it may be easy to break up facial expressions into just a handful of categories — happy, sad, confused, angry, and the like — the reality is that your face can actually make 7,000 distinct, completely different expressions.

Pretty impressive, eh?

And with those 7,000 expressions you're literally an open book for those who practice the ancient art of face reading. For more than 3,000 years, the Chinese have been able to see exactly what you really mean just from the tiniest and even most subtle expressions.

I bet you didn't know that your overly plucked, thin eyebrows means you're not interested in sex, did you?

As with any practice of understanding humanity and emotions, this face reading stuff, if you really get good at it, can be the winning ticket to truly understanding the desires of those around you.

Not only will you be able to know, really know, that someone with thin eyebrows is an icy, cold, asexual being, but those with bushy eyebrows are so sexual that if they don't get it enough, they're liable to go looking for it elsewhere. At least this is according to relationship expert Tracey Cox who claims that the lines around her nose means that she pretty much thinks about sex 24/7, among other things. 

Here are other points of interest on your face that you may want to know about (as declared by Ms. Cox):

1. If you have pale eyes, you like sex but want to get in and out, and move on to the next person. This is because you don't get attached easily and are therefore, probably, incapable of love.

2. Those with dark eyes, on the other hand, are passionate, intense, and killer in the sack. Basically, just having brown eyes alone means all you have to do is show up, and you'll blow minds with your sexual skills.

3. When it comes to noses you'll probably prefer a "bumpy" nose, as opposed to a "snub" nose. People with "bumpy" noses, as oppoosed to "snub" noses are kinky people. Snub nose people are boring and big fans of the missionary position. Cox calls you people "drippy" lovers. Sorry!  

4. Thin lines under the lower eyelids means that someone has a sexual appetite for the record books and that "nothing is forbidden and everything goes." Yes, this means you do anal, because what else is "everything goes" a euphemism for?

5. If you have fine lines under your nose, then you're someone who rarely thinks about anything else but sex. Blessed/cursed with the highest libido of all, they need to be loved in every way possible and are extremely hard to satisfy." 

6. If you have a large mouth, you are an unselfish lover. You live to take your time and if you're a dude with a large mouth, you're "unbeatably potent."

7. The same can not be said for those with small mouths. They orgasm too quickly, are not affectionate, and have a low tolerance people.

8. Full bottomed-lip people are cheaters. (You can’t talk your way out of it, because Cox and her face reading techniques declare it so.) 

While the studying of facial expressions is a real thing, based on Cox's accompanying photo and how she describes the best lovers out there, her explanations might be a bit biased.

As someone who has the exact opposite features of her, based on her theories, I totally suck in bed, as does every other blue-eyed person with a small mouth. I mean, maybe I do, but I can't imagine it's that way for all of us with these features — or could it be?

I don't know; you tell me how right or wrong you think this Tracey Cox the "expert" is. Now excuse me while I try to grow back my eyebrows.