Can Role Playing Lead To A More Satisfying Relationship?

Role playing is not just sexy: It increases your confidence outside the bedroom.

Can Role Playing Lead To A More Satisfying Relationship?

We love our partners, but let's face it, after a while we start having fantasies of being a naughty nurse, hunky firefighter, or even Anastasia Steele. Sometimes we just want more excitement between the sheets—and role playing can do just that.

Why role playing can benefit your relationship:

1. It builds a greater connection between partners. Lovers who talk to each other about their fantasies, feelings, and desires ultimately have stronger relationships. Why? Because they know they're with someone they can trust and who validates them. 


2. It increases confidence outside the bedroom. No one has to know you were a doctor last night rescuing a very sick patient who was amazingly grateful for your, ahem, services ... but you can certainly carry that confidence boost with you the next day.

3. It keeps things exciting and refreshes stale relationships. We all get into sexual ruts, life is busy, and it's easy to do the "same old, same old" to fulfill our needs. But the anticipation of something new in the bedroom will certainly push you to make time. Before assuming your relationship is over, put role play on the agenda. Seeing your sweetie in a new light can turn things around quickly. 


4. It reduces inhibitions. Maybe your partner has been interested in a new position, but as her everyday self, is afraid to try it. The ability to role play as someone else in the bedroom can make it possible. And, once your partner sees that they can accomplish it, it may be on the sexual menu more often.

5. It's fun. It's not every day that you get to be a character you only fantasize about. Plus, getting to share the experience with someone you love is even better. 

How do I engage in role play?

Communication and trust are important for role play to work. Both parties need to be on board for the scenarios. Tell your partner what your role playing fantasies are and ask them if they have any. Discuss your levels of openness to each suggestion; what may be a wild turn-on for you could totally turn them off. Sometimes a costume or sexy outfit helps bring the role playing experience to life.


Also, you may consider the use of a "safe word" if one of you becomes uncomfortable in the heat of things. Step 5 of our Better Sex® 6 Step Program to Ignite Your Sex Life webinar series discusses methods for engaging in role play with your partner, including dominant-submissive. Most importantly, you want to be sure your partner is okay with whatever role-play scenario you have in mind and that you discuss it with them beforehand. 

Depending on the scenario you pick, you may want to say some sexy lines to create the mood. For example, if your fantasy is a teacher-student relationship, the teacher may ask the student to stay after class for a "one-on-one tutoring session." Below are some example fantasies and lines you can use to set the mood.

  • Nurse and patient: "Why don't you take off that gown and show me where it hurts?"
  • Exotic dancer and client: "Would you like a private lap dance?"
  • Job applicant and interviewer: "I'm very thorough and detail oriented; let me show you."
  • Police officer and citizen: "Perhaps we can work out a way to make this ticket go away."

But role-playing doesn't necessarily have to involve a fantasy scenario. Why not think back to when you first met: What got you hot for your partner? Were you strangers at a bar, long-time friends, coworkers? Reenacting that scenario could be just the thing that'll get your spark back!