He Asked You To Text Him First?

You went out, met a guy, but instead of getting your number, he threw you a curve ball and got yours. Now what? Whenever possible, you should avoid being the first one to make contact, whether by text or any other modern-day device. It is important to let the guy make the first move, just to make sure that he is genuinely interested in you.

However, if a guy arms you with his number and requests that you call him, don’t panic. This could easily be his way of letting you know he’d like to see you again, without him having to open himself up for rejection. Asking for your number would require you to accept or reject him on the spot (and to his face). Telling you to call him allows a guy to walk away with his dignity intact. If you choose not to contact him afterward, the sting of rejection from a Silent No is much less painful. If a guy suggests you call him, the first thing you have to do is analyze his interest, or what I refer to as Buying Signs. You don’t want to call a guy who only gave you his number because he had no other way to end the conversation. Determine his level of interest by examining a few key signals. Did he approach you and proceed to flirt with you all night? Did he make any physical contact (touch your arm or shoulder)? Was he maintaining strong eye contact while asking you questions about yourself? If so, then it’s a good sign he really wants to hear from you. Go ahead and make the first move this time. Enjoy the power that is now in your hands. Preparing for a voice-on-voice conversation can be a little overwhelming, so dial it down a notch and opt for a simple text message. You could either text him something cheeky like, Here’s my #... use it at your own risk ;-). Or you could send him something more personal pertaining to the conversation you had the night you met. I would not send him a Hey it’s me, from the bar the other night text. A message like that doesn’t convey much confidence. It will be perceived as if you expected him to have forgotten all about you. Assume he’s been waiting by the phone ever since he gave you his number. After all, why wouldn’t he be?

Once you decide what to say, you will then have to determine when the best time is to make contact. Even though you have downgraded to the most casual form of communication, even a small five-worded text can have a big impact. Knowing that, you should err on the side of caution. Text too soon, and you can scare a guy off. But text too late, and if he is truly interested, he still will reply to your message. Therefore, play it safe and use the two-day rule. A great deal of the male population follows this rule religiously and for the most part it works well. Why try to reinvent the wheel? If he gives you his number on Saturday night, wait forty- eight hours, and text him on Monday. The only exception to this rule is if you met him two days before the weekend. You don’t ever want to send a first text on a Friday or Saturday. You are too busy doing other things, of course! So if you met him on Thursday, you should wait until Sunday evening or Monday.

This is an excerpt from the new Q&A dating scenario book, Was It Something I Said? The answer to all your dating dilemmas by Jess McCann

Jess McCann is an author and dating coach. Visit her website at

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