Love, Self

"Some B---- Wrote On My Guy's Facebook Wall!" 4 Steps To Take Now

angry woman yelling keyboard

We've all been there: you're having a great day until you log on to Facebook and see that some girl—that you may or may not know—has written on your boyfriend's wall or liked his status … again. Whether or not she's a threat isn't as important as how you deal with it.

Here is a step-by-step guide on how to react, deal with the emotions you're feeling and how to approach your significant other without looking (or being labeled as) a "crazy paranoid" girlfriend. 

Related: "Facebook Is Getting In The Way Of My Relationship!"

Step 1: Don't act impulsively. When we see something that hurts us in some way, we often want to mark our territory, and the ideas that come to mind in the heat of the moment are usually one's we would never think of if we weren't worked up. The same goes for writing passive-aggressive status updates (you know the kind: lyrics and quotes that are clearly referring to this situation). Therefore, don't click "like" or make a catty comment on this girl's wall post on your boyfriend's page. Just because it's easy to respond right away doesn't mean you should. Don't feel and type. Instead, allow some time to pass, because if you make a scene, you'll end up looking bad, not her. Remember, whatever happens on the interwebs is there to stay. People get instantly alerted of your comments and posts, and try-as-you-might to not look jealous or paranoid, people tend to see through things. So no passive-aggressive status updates, k?

Step 2: Pinpoint the real issue. I get it, the last thing we want is some random all up in our significant other's grill, but instead of getting all wrapped up in the who, what, where, why, when and how of it all, check in with yourself to see what the real issue is here. Do you think your partner is cheating? Do you not trust him? Is this girl a smokeshow and you're jealous of her looks? Do you think he's keeping something from you? If you can pinpoint the real cause of your negative emotions, you can deal with them. Let's be real here, girly: when we get upset, it's about stuff that we're going through and not about the actual trigger. To make yourself feel better, do things that make you happy. Work out, treat yourself to a blow-out at a blow dry bar or a mani, and perhaps write a gratitude list of five things you're grateful for. By focusing on the positive, you can see yourself as worthy and not as a victim. What a great way to feel in control, I say! 

Step 3: Assess the frequency. Is it one person who is constantly writing on your other half's wall and responding to their Tweets, or is it a plethora of pretty little ladies? And how often does it happen? If he has many female friends or this is just a one-time thing, bring it up to him only if your sixth sense tells you that something feels wrong. But if you've had an issue with a certain someone who's constantly flirting with your partner online, consider it a big red flag and realize it's definitely worth talking about. Perhaps your partner doesn't realize that these little acts of communication bother you. On the other hand, if it's just a girl friend of his who you know tends to be a little flirty with anyone and everyone, just let it pass. People likely see it for what it is anyways, and if the post suddenly disappears from his wall, it might raise some suspicion of a jealous girlfriend: you. 

Related: 10 Twitter And Facebook Dating Red Flags

Step 4: Have "the talk." The dreaded talk will likely catch him off-guard, and you don't want him to go on the defense or else nothing will be solved. The best way to approach him (after following the above steps, of course) is to do so in a calm, casual way. Wait a day or so until after you've cooled off, and be sure not to accuse him. The focus here is on your feelings, not him and not the other woman. Tell him how you felt when you saw it, why it makes you feel that way and then offer a reasonable (yes, reasonable) solution. For example, you can tell him you'd appreciate it if he stopped "liking" her comments on his wall, or to be more aware before writing on other girls' walls. If something is out of line, you may suggest he delete it, but keep in mind men don't like to feel cornered or not in control of a situation. Once you've shared your feelings and a solution, allow him to solve the issue on his own time. No one wants to be nagged or pressured. He's more likely to comply and meet you halfway if you don't give him an ultimatum and don't demand anything of him. Just honesty ... and a flirt-free Facebook wall.

Tell us: how do you feel when you see someone of the opposite sex writing on your significant other's Facebook wall?