Love, Self

Do You Know How To Compromise In Your Relationship?


My husband and I have been married a little over a year now. And, we're no different than other couples We are so far from having it all figured out.

You see, we tend to struggle when it comes to making big decisions. You know the ones: where to live, who pays the bills, what furniture to buy, who does the household chores, what television shows to watch, when to have sex, and the question we never stop asking… What should we have for dinner? 5 Super-Sneaky Ways To Get Your Man To Do Actual Housework

Our lives would be in utter chaos if we didn't compromise, and so my husband and I have had to learn what that really means in this short first year after tying the knot. We've chosen a more modern marriage, where the idea of compromise is predicated on the idea that we are partners, that we both get equal amount of say in any decision, big or little.

Over time, we've learned how to come to an agreement on more things than just everyday household decisions. And we've learned that selfishness and stubborn attitudes make compromising nearly impossible. But don't get me wrong, it didn't all happen overnight. We had to make some major adjustments on both of our parts to get where we are today. Let me give you an example.

When my husband and I first got married, we were both college graduates. But while my husband was footloose and fancy free in terms of lingering school debt, I still had thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off. We were both very fortunate to have well-paying jobs with great benefits. I took on the responsibility of paying off my student loans because they were for my education. I didn't think it was fair to my husband to ask him to pay them for me. No Home Loans For Pregnant Couples?

When it came to paying the rest of our household bills we decided to split them straight down the middle. It just seemed easier that way. But paying for half of everything and trying to stay on top of my student loans became overwhelming for me financially.

I couldn't keep up.

I was drowning in my own pool of bills and student loans. There was barely enough funds for me at the end of each month to buy groceries for our little home, let alone any funds for decorating or even shopping. Sticking to a budget was useless for me. I had too many bills to pay and not enough income. Split The Bills Without Splitting Up

I finally had to muster up the courage to ask my husband to help me out (not easy for a girl who likes to pretend she has it all handled), and take on more than half of the bills. Being a newlywed, the phrase "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" hadn't quite sunk in, so it was a fight to even bring myself to ask my husband for help.

I stated my claim, gathered my reasons and supported my evidence with a makeshift budget on notebook paper. I was even prepared for cross-examination, Elle Woods-style. /node/55863

After my husband agreed to help me with my portion of the bills he asked me to do something in return. A compromise, if you will.

"I'm more than happy to help," he said. "But in return, you have to start saving a little money with each paycheck."

Yeah. My husband is more of a saver, and I'm more of a spender. He is always reminding me about our future, our credit scores and even further down the road towards retirement. (As a twentysomething, it's hard to get excited about retirement, the distant blip on my radar screen, when you see a cute lamp from Target, right?) So this was my option, my compromise: Put more money aside from my monthly income and my husband would be good footing more of our household bills. 

Needless to say, it was a deal. And I'm learning to practice tunnel vision when I walk buy cute household goods. /node/114545

Learning to compromise in our marriage, especially early on, especially when it comes to money, was the best thing we could have done. Marriage is a financial partnership, and like any successful partnership, it depends on compromise, communication and cooperation.

Now, I have to ask: What about you? Do you compromise, or do you go into a disagreement or discussion with fight in your eyes, with the attitude that you are going to take what you want and win? How To Compromise On A Household Budget

If you and your partner find it hard to communicate and compromise, try to find out why that is. And before you start to change your partner, consider looking inward to yourself for change. Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Change yourself before you change anyone else.

A little communication and compromise can go a long way and make your relationship or marriage stronger.

The greatest act of love is to serve. If you want to be first, become last. When you enter into a discussion about differences, go that extra mile and put your partner first. If he sees that's the case, he's more likely to see your side anyway. The basic tenet of compromise is that we care for others, and that caring makes us want to compromise with the ones we love in almost every aspect of our lives. 

How do you and your spouse reach a compromise?