If You Want To Get Married, Stop Being A Raging B*tch

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Don't Be A B**ch

Listen up, ladies: if you want to get married, you need to stop being a shallow b*tch and a slut. At least that's what Mad Men writer Tracy McMillan has to say. Though she's not a relationship expert, she does know a thing or two about finding the one (or not finding the one), as she herself has been married three times.

McMillan, who writes that she was "born knowing how to get married," puts it simply: It's not men, it's you. She accuses women of getting in their own way and sounds off a list of the top six reasons single women still don't have a ring on their finger: they're a b*tch, shallow, a slut, selfish, a liar, or are simply not good enough.

Don't take these reasons at face value, though. To McMillan, a woman who's "a b*tch" is just a woman who's angry. The root of this anger, she says, can stem from anywhere starting with a woman's relationship with her mother to how she feels about Sarah Palin.

Either way, it's unbecoming and terrifying to men. All they want is someone who's nice to them, which McMillan notes is unfair, but it's perfect practice for marriage, "since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife."

Case in point: "Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape." Ah, well, it's all clear now.

Another rule of thumb McMillan suggests for single women looking to get married: Stop having casual sex. Leave the late-night romps in hot tubs to the ladies of Jersey Shore, because casual sex almost never stays casual.

Why? We get completely strung out on the bonding hormone released from having an orgasm: oxytocin. Oxytocin is to blame for those casual relationships you get so anxious about, even when the guy isn't that great. So in order to avoid this, work on being selective. 

And don't lie. If you're looking to get married, then let it be known you're looking to get married. If a guy spits out some excuse that he's emotionally unavailable for a relationship but is still very open to a sexual one, don't say "OK!" when it's not. You'll waste a lot of time hoping he'll see just how great you are. But the truth is he won't, because he already knows he can live without you just fine.

Lastly, McMillan encourages women to stop thinking they're not good enough. If a woman denies her own self-worth, than how can a man truly love her?

It's a major obstacle to hurdle when looking to get married, and even if you only pretend to love yourself (what did we say about lying?), men will figure it out. She urges women to know and believe that yes, they're enough.