How To Talk About The Stuff We Usually Avoid

how to communicate

My LDR boyfriend and I experimented for a month with Tokii and the results are in! Even though we are pretty good communicators already, this site helped me get answers to questions I didn't even know I had (like "Would you marry a woman with fertility issues?").

During this past month of testing out Tokii, my top take-away has been to never be afraid to ask. Even though my grandma told me that same thing years ago, sometimes we get afraid to talk to our mates because we don't want to start a fight or get rejected. Personally, I don't want to come off as too needy or difficult. But Tokii taught me that men can be just as inquisitive. By asking those burning questions and starting conversations about all things silly and serious, my relationship has grown stronger. Because when you're miles apart all you have is communication to keep you together.

Plus, as an added bonus, we have gained an entire community of couples that have funny stories and insights to share. Tokki Lab is like the rec room for couples. This is where the communication happens between users. Here, writers divulge intimate details of their relationships on topics like conflict, intimacy and communication (sounds familiar). There are also nifty infographics that compile the statistics from the Tokii DiscoveryGames. On this blog you can find creative ideas for using the site (read "Trading Your Way to Hotter Sex and More").

But my favorite part is the research. Did you know men who kiss their partners before work live longer and make more money? Sounds like something me and my beau will have to enact when we are together. Personally, I am already the type who is susceptible to believe weird studies. For example I once read in Cosmo that couples who say "Good Morning" are more likely to last—needless to say I now text my guy everyday with morning salutations.

Right now the lab's hottest topic is the holidays. Here are a few articles and stats that have come in handy to me this time of year:

• According to their "Festive with the family" infographic (see below), 56 percent of women and 48 percent of men agree that Christmas is a time to be with family. Unfortunately in the early stages of a relationship it is hard to explain to your mother that you'd rather forgo family traditions to visit a boyfriend. 
• Fifty percent of couples have already done the nasty in their parents' house (cough), but Tokii also found that the holidays can be a strain on the sex life—though 88 percent of men and 62 percent of women are going to schedule a quickie to relieve stress and spread holiday cheer. Read some sexy horror stories here: "I Saw Mommy Doing Santa Claus." 
• Six million people take out loans to pay for their overspending at Christmas time! Learn how to "Nurse the Financial Hangover." Since we don't have the money to spare (I'm a freelance writer, he's a grad student), we have agreed on monetary cap for gifts this year. It works because really all we want is to spend time together.

This year, my boyfriend and I will be spending Christmas and New Year's Eve apart (bummer). However Tokii has helped us start a new tradition together. On the first visit in 2012 we are going to have a Holiday Smash—one day, three holiday celebrations. We have already started using the TradingPost to set up plans. He has agreed to burn a CD with all the Christmas favorites, and I'm going to make Cornish hens that we can pretend are mini-turkeys. Despite the miles between us, using Tokii for the past month has certainly helped to bring us closer together.

Read more on my experience using Tokii with my boyfriend and check out a fun, family holiday infographic below..

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Only through communication will you discover commonalities with your significant other that will strengthen your relationship—check out this video so see what happy couples found they have in common.