He Says No Relationship; Should She Say No To Sex?

If you knew up front he didn't want commitment, would you still sleep with him?

sex without relationship

On Friday, we discussed the predicament of a young woman who was wondering whether she should ditch a guy who told her he was into her, but not looking for a relationship (post hookup). I suggested she should hang out for a bit, spend some more time and figure out if he was the one for her and vice versa. This prompted lively posts from readers, which ran the gamut from "Get out of there!" to "Why burn a cute, fun bridge?" There was enough discussion I felt it deserved another post, so here we go: Hooking Up: Liberation or Desperation?


The crux of the advice in my last post was that we're almost always ready for a relationship with the right girl, but it can take us boys a little time to figure out that you are indeed that person, and it might be worth hanging around a while to figure out if that's the case.

Reader adams8424 didn't totally disagree, but she echoed the sentiments of many commenters, when she insisted that "You absolutely cannot have sex with him. And the making out should probably stop too." How To Hang Out With An Old Hookup Buddy

I don't know if I totally agree with this. I'm not saying that she should jump in the sack (again) with this guy, and give him so much milk that he never even has to think about even renting the cow, but at some point sex should come into the picture, because that's part of getting to know someone with whom you want to build a relationship. Bridging The Gap Between Casual Sex And Commitment


There's also an argument that says that if the sex is good, and there is suddenly a dearth of that sex, the gears in his head might start moving quicker, and she'll have her answer even sooner.

All that being said, she definitely should avoid a friends-with-benefits situation, which works for no one (unless the sex is really really good—in which case, God help her). Kick The Friends With Benefits Habit

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Also to be avoided: Waiting longer than common sense allows. A reader named fouvang wrote: "I'm at my wits end with the guy I'm currently talking to. It's been months and months and I just about gave up…I guess I'll just endure a little bit more." I'm nervous about the word "endure." We "endure" torture, or romantic comedies, or extended visits from in-laws. Don't wait around too long waiting for him to see what's right in front of him. There's no set amount of time here, but if it ain't gonna happen, there will be a time when you need to admit that and cut him off.


If he doesn’t want to commit, does sex have to be withheld? What are some clear signs that he is, in fact, NEVER going to want a relationship?

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