"Tiger's sex-rehab consisted mainly of watching John Edwards' sex tape. That will cure anyone."
1. This isn't the first time that Rielle Hunter's sexcapades have inspired "art."
As the author's former girlfriend, it's said that Rielle Hunter provided the inspiration for the "ostensibly jaded, sexually voracious 20-year-old" Alison Poole in the 1988 novel Story of My Life by Jay McInerney.
The Huffington Post sums up Rielle's character as unlikable: "When we first meet her, she's an STD-carrying sl*t who cons her latest lover into giving her money by telling him she needs an abortion."
Read the full review here.
2. The camera adds five pounds... to John's, err.. manhood.
3. Features "pregnant sex."
Although we never see her face, John Edwards' accomplice is "visibly pregnant" during production.
4. Young's claims of its "origins" are mysterious.
The sex tape, according to Andrew Young, was marked "special" and left for eight months in a box within a house that Hunter had abandoned. Purportedly she had tried to destroy it by ripping out the tape from the cassette, but Young was able to restore it.
5. It is worth a pretty penny.
Andrew Young has said that he has been offered "gigantic" amounts of money to sell the tape but has so far resisted.
6. There are multiple copies of the tape, all now within the Federal Government's possession. Or so we thought!
A North Carolina court Tuesday halted the implantation of the security rules around the retrieval of a video tape purported to show John Edwards engaged in sexual acts with his campaign mistress. The North Carolina Court of Appeals issued a temporary stay order after former Edwards aide Andrew Young refused to go along with a judge’s demand that a security officer travel with him to retrieve the tape, currently in a safe deposit box in Atlanta.
The Associated Press, however, reported that the judge's order to turn over the tape remained. Young agreed Friday to hand over a copy to the FBI after being held in contempt of court for balking.
7. The tape, shown to Tiger Woods in rehab, was instrumental in curing his sex addiction. [SarcMark]
HATTIESBURG, MISS (The Borowitz Report) - In what has been described as a miracle cure in the annals of sex addiction, Tiger Woods has reportedly been cured of his sex addiction by repeated viewings of the John Edwards sex tape.
"We basically had the thing playing on a loop," said Dr. Tracy Klugian, one of the doctors at the Pine Grove Behavior Health and Addiction Services clinic, where the golf legend was undergoing treatment for sex addiction. "He kept screaming, 'I can't take it anymore,' but we refused to unstrap him."
Speaking briefly to reporters upon his release from the clinic, Mr. Woods confirmed that viewing the Edwards sex tape was "a traumatic experience," adding, "I may never have sex again." [Source: Huffington Post]
P.s. The Borowitz Report is just for fun, i.e. fictional.