Given a new chance


Little did I think I'd be waiting for a pathology report right before my overseas vacation.  But things happen the way they are going to happen, I guess.  After 16 1/2 years free of cancer, I had a biopsy yesterday, right on my scar from the breast cancer that was caught (early) and treated way back in 1992.

I've had scares along the way, but they always were probably in my head. I felt this or that, and the doctor said it was a cyst, or fatty tissue. Never a need for a biopsy, but this time, well, I happened to mention to my dermatologist, who is also a plastic surgeon, that I had some itching under my arm and that my lumpectomy scar felt a bit different.  She said it looked pink (which I had also noticed) and she said that was worrisome, and that we should biopsy it.  This was yesterday.  She has removed dysplastic nevi (I hope that is correct) once or twice in the past years, so I am familiar with the biopsy procedure, and it usually takes about a week.  So I knew I was hunkering down for a long, and nerve-wracking wait. 

I thought I was doing OK - but at work today, two people called me on things that they felt I did not do, or did improperly.  It's weird, because I felt very focused today, and usually I am right on top of things, so much so that I am normally only told not to be so hard on myself, or to take a break once in a while (ha, as if we have the time!).

I do know that I was extremely focused on each task, and probably missed the bigger picture.  Of course, they don't know what is going on with this, and neither of them are good friends, but I left work feeling badly, on top of being so scared.  And I am terribly underpaid and never appreciated, but that's another story altogether!  As much as I love my job, I think I need to find something less stressful....but then there's that older thing......

Oh, I'm digressing!  So, the doctor just called (right after my first shower since Mon morning, for which I had to take off the bandage, see the scar over a scar, and rebandage it) and gave me the good news.

Whoever said "there are no atheists in foxholes" sure hit it right on the head.  I feel rejuvinated!!  I ran downstairs to call my daughter and e-mail my friends whom I had told, and to put a note on my Facebook page. It sucks being a widow, but I am so grateful for my health every day that the cancer has not come back.  I tell you I could climb a mountain right now!  If I weren't in my nightie I would actually go and celebrate!  Too bad I get up at 5:30 and as I age, that is becoming more difficult.  But I'm healthy!  Thank you, God!