Self, Heartbreak

Timmy Gordon Demands An Apology

timmy gordon

Hello. The staff of the World Wide Website YourTango dot com have graciously given me the opportunity to tell my side of the story about Alice Johnson fake-out. Watch: Facebook Manners And You

I have already apologized to Alice and all of her cronies on the Facebook electronic friendship generator. I admitted to being a goof and totally gooping up the works. When a fella admits to being a real nosebleed, everyone is supposed to say, "Hey buddy, you're OK in my book, we all make mistakes." I have not heard much of that, especially not from Alice Johnson.

The whole freak-out has done a number to my reputation. Even Donna Whitehouse doesn't want diddly squat to do with me. I've never felt like such a fream. The greasers, the socials, the jocks and even the beatniks want me to split when I come around. I think I deserve an apology. Not just from Alice Johnson but from her bosom buddies in the flesh and the ones from the Computing Super Freeway.

The shucksters have said the following about me:

Timmy throws like a girl (I hurt my shoulder).

Timmy cries over spilled milk (It got in my eyes).

Timmy pees sitting down (I was tired).

Timmy has a pet turtle named Shelly (What else would you call a pet turtle?).

Timmy is a Communist (Not true, I just like Russian salad dressing).

And that's not even the complete list. Can you imagine? Here's a little list that I came up with about the real Timmy Gordon:

Timmy helps old ladies across the street.

Timmy usually drives the speed limit.

Timmy cleans his plate.

Timmy votes in almost every election.

Timmy placed third in the soapbox derby.

Timmy does not fall for the banana in the tailpipe (twice).

Timmy was the placeholder on the football team.

Timmy can juggle two balls with one hand.

Timmy can change his own oil.

Timmy can do most dances that involve the box step.

Timmy enjoys sauerkraut Patriot slaw.

Timmy can hold his breath for almost one whole minute.

Timmy only wears his retainer in his sleep (now).

Timmy eats his grandma's potato chowder (even though he doesn't like it).

Try calling a guy who does all those wholesome activities a "wet blanket," squares.

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