Spice things up with role playing.
Have you always had a secret fascination for sexual role play but never actually tried it out? Have you ever wondered how exactly it is you go about starting a sexual role-play scene?
The most important thing for you to remember before you start is that discussion, brainstorming and planning a sexual role play starts long before the erotic scene actually takes place! Make sure the conversation is conducted in a neutral setting away from the bedroom, in a preferably semiformal "sit down" manner, where you each have one another's undivided attention, are sitting face-to-face, and have the privacy to freely talk and plan, without interruption.
The ENACT Model for Sexual Role Play is a five step process model I developed to describe the steps involved in commencing any kind of sexual role-play so it is easier for you to remember. The ENACT Model is comprised of the following five steps: Explore, Negotiate, Analyze, Choreograph, Transform.
Step 1: Explore
You and your partner need to find out what each other's sexual fantasies, desires and preferred activities are, including things you would like to try but have never done so yet. Dare to ask questions! What kind of roles and scenarios would you like to experiment with? Both write down ideas and requests independently in list format and then exchange or share your answers afterwards.
What roles would turn your lover on, and what roles would he want you to play that would turn him on?
What roles could your partner play to arouse and excite you, and what kind of character would you yourself need to play for you to be turned on?
Use open-ended questions to explore both your own and your partner’s sexual needs, wants and turn-ons.
What particular scene from a movie, book or real life, has intensely aroused you in the past and why?
Brainstorm a whole list of sexual concepts you both like and wish to explore. Jot down everything and anything that turns you on, or that you've ever thought you wanted to explore!
Step 2: Negotiate
This next step requires you to consult with each other on what you both listed in Step 1; you share your sexual desires and fantasies your lover, and seek to strategically accommodate each other's needs. You should come to an agreement with your partner about which role play idea is most appealing to BOTH of you, or which scenario you BOTH want to try out first.
You need to identify common sexual ground here, and pinpoint areas of sexual fantasy and preference that are complementary with your lover. Choose which roles and activities each of you are going to play out, and what the scenario will look like. Agree upon terms and conditions of the scene, and be as specific as you like.
Step 3: Analyze
Now that your specific role has been selected, you need to get to know your character. Collaborate with your partner to establish who your character really is: what they look like, how they act, what their name is, how they dress, what motivates them in life, and what turns them on.
Consider the tone and pitch of voice of your role, whether your character will have an accent; and think about the way they will walk, move and carry themselves. Your character's mannerisms and idiosyncrasies also must be taken into account during this stage.
Know and feel your character to become them. The more thought you put into analyzing your role, the more confident and effortless the transition will be.
Step 4: Choreograph
This is the formulation stage where scripts and dialog are created, costumes and props are selected, the setting of the scene is organized, and the erotic production really starts to take shape. Arrange and direct the movements of the scene, thinking about what you will do, where you will be sitting/standing/lying, what you will say, how you will say it, and why you will say it.
This step also involves deciding on start and finish times, and specific words or actions which will clearly signify the opening and closing of the erotic scene.
Step 5: Transform
It's show time! This is where your characters come to life, and you and your lover become your sexy roles.
Remember, there is no wrong or right at this stage of the process. Your sole aim is to enjoy the experience and use it as a platform to express your creativity and sexuality, whilst bonding with your lover in a unique and exciting way.
Be in the moment and have fun with your character!
If you're enacting any scene outdoors in public, you'll both get an extra kick out of knowing that you're both up to naughtiness while all those around you remain completely oblivious!
This article was originally published at Miya's Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.