5 Sexual Myths That Are Holding You Back


5 Sexual Myths That Are Holding You Back
A second look at old unquestioned ideas about sex that may be negatively impacting your sex life.

Myth 1: Lube is For old people
Actually, lube is for anyone who wants to have a lot of sex. Or sex in a short amount of time. Or anal sex. Or sex with a condom. Or sex when they are feeling a bit stressed and their body is not keeping up with their libido. Or for anyone taking antihistamines… You see where I am going with this, right? Artificial lube is a great thing for your sex life and it will serve you to get comfortable with it.

There are so many reasons why a woman’s body may not lubricate as quickly or as much as she might like, and these reasons are not limited to menopause or post menopause. As I mentioned earlier, simple medications like antihistamines can impact one’s vaginal lubrication, as can stress, exhaustion, distractions. And men’s bodies don’t provide lubrication at all, so artificial lube is important for men as well.


One reason lube has gotten a bad reputation is that people have used it poorly. A little goes a long way – start experimenting with a drop or two. You want to avoid having so much lube you no longer feel any friction. Also experiment with different types, there are a lot to chose from now. Treat it like a sex toy or enhancement, which it is, touch and rub while you apply it and soon you will find lube is for good for you too.

Myth 2: Once I learn some tricks, I am a great lover.
Sorry, to burst this bubble for you. I know there is a lot of appeal in the many books and articles out there promising to teach you the moves to be a great lover or how to turn on any man or woman – some even have diagrams. While it is good to know anatomy and common erotic zones, the problem with these articles and the idea of learning sex moves, is that it ignores that fact that being a great lover means being in tune with your partner. Sex is not a choreographed activity, it is an improvisational dance that asks you to listen and respond to the other participants.

So what skills will make you a better lover? Work on listening and observing body language. Work on being present to your own experience and pleasure so that you can share that with your partner. What really works for one partner may not work for the next. And our bodies, moods, and erotic appetites constantly change, so what really turned your partner on last week may be different this week. And that is great because it is one of the things that keeps sex fun and exciting. But you will miss it if you are on automatic pilot doing your moves.

Myth 3: Sex Without an erection is no sex at all.
Well first, there are many lesbians out there with hot, satisfying sex lives who would disagree with this. But let’s say you do include a penis or two in your sexual play. It may be that penetrative sex is your preference, your favorite part of the sexual interaction. And you may prefer a hard erection for your penetrative play. However, there is so much more to sexual interactions than just your favorites and, in fact, there may be new favorites to discover if you don’t limit yourself to one kind of sex.

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Melissa Fritchle


Melissa Fritchle, MA, LMFT, is a holistic psychotherapist with a private practice in Capitola, CA specializing in sexuality and couple's issues. She is also an engaging sex educator traveling within the US and globally to support positive sexuality.

Visit her website to read her blog, Conscious Sexual Self, and for upcoming opportunities to connect with Melissa.


Location: Capitola, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Sexuality
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