Let's face it: Valentine's Day can loom large in our minds. Many hopes and expectations for those of us in relationships and feelings of longing and lonliness for those of us not in relationships can prevail. But what about those of us who are either considering divorce, in the midst of going through one or even having recently gone through it? That is when Valentine's Day has the potential of being a cynical holiday. As a Divorce Wellness Coach, I challenge you otherwise!
Divorce is a time where we have the potential to internalize many feelings of self-doubt, shame and guilt. We can tend to let what "they say" (and who are THEY anyway?) rule many of our decisions within our marriage and during the divorce. But there comes a time when what "they say" suddenly doesn't matter anymore. We've been pummeled by "their" logic and we finally reach a space where their opinion doesn't make any logical sense at all. When we get to that point, we have this awesome opportunity to redirect our thought patterns of guilt and shame into constructive patterns of joy and love and gratitude.
That, my friends, is when you can begin your Valentine's Day party of loving yourself. Self-pleasuring or masturbation is a wonderful way to bring touch and joy into your life where it has been filled with a great deal of sadness, anger, worry, and fear. Bringing yourself pleasure can actually assist in reprogramming your neural networks for self-love and self-esteem.
So, find some time on Friday to love the one you are with most often...YOU! Engage your mental outlook and not only release what other's say is "right or wrong" but employ your mind with a regular committment to touching yourself over this next year. Here's my 3 Point Valentine's Day Challenge:
- Find a time of day or a day each week that might be perfect for you to have alone time where you can pleasure yourself. Sometimes we don't think through the logisitics. It can seem like an after thought to masturbate...when we can fit it in. Constructively and pro-actively looking at a new time or place that would work can bring a sense of aliveness and freshness that possibly hasn't been there in quite a while.
- Explore a new position with yourself. This can be a physical location, or a hand or toy position. New techniques can allow for new pleasureable ways to obtain an orgasm.
- Make a date regularly with yourself. Don't let the time escape you. Days turn into weeks turn into months. Remember that pleasuring yourself actually helps you to set up for a pleasureable outlook on your entire circumstances; therefore the importance of masturbating is actually of the highest. Your relaxed state of joy and love can truly affect how you move through your life to create where you go from right where you are. In essence, you create your reality from your present state of mind. So stop looking through that dung hill of ruminating thoughts of negative self-talk and begin not only seeing, but feeling your beauty inside and out.
Take your time on Valentine's Day and beyond to create new rituals, behaviors and habits upon caring for yourself sexually. Join me in my 12 week course on Clear Choice Divorce during Week 8 where we will discuss the Importance of Touch (including self-touch and masturbation). Until then, my kids will be with me on Friday night for Valentine's Day and I look forward to finding the perfect little chachkie for them; however, they won't be here in the morning! Happy Valentine's Day!
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