It's funny I've talked about this so many times in the past, and I'll probably talk about it another thousand times this year. The human race is so stuck in its head nowadays and women are just as bad as men for this. The other day I went for dinner with a friend, and we saw a woman look at us from a distance.
We could literally see her brain ticking over. We could almost hear her saying, "Don't look at them again. Don't let them see you look at them again. I'm going to walk past them and turn my head. I'm not going to engage them at all."
I call it the "I haven't noticed you" game. It's when someone looks at you from a distance and then shoots their head around the other way when you catch their eye. When women do it I call it the "I don't want to know him" game. They're desperate to talk and connect with you, but because they’re so stuck in their heads they can't let it happen. I some of you might be thinking, "Maybe some people are just shy."
I've been studying the human race since I was a kid. The moment this woman caught our eye I saw her disappear into her thoughts. It was like she was suddenly terrified we might reach out and connect with her.
After a while I couldn't stand it anymore and went over to talk to her. Over the course of the night, we spoke maybe three different times. She was actually a very sweet, friendly, and attractive woman. When we spoke she was inspiring and look genuinely excited to be having a conversation. She seemed excited to connect with someone, because no matter how afraid of it we are, humans need connection.
The truth is that we just need to get out of our heads. We need to stop thinking and worrying about what other people think of us. "Does he like me? Is he attracted to me? How do I look? Do I smell good?"
We spend too much time freaking out about what we ASSUME people think, and that is a very important word. Because all of our anxieties come from what we assume people think, rather than what they ACTUALLY think. We have no idea what others think of us, so what's the point in making up negative things in our head about what they might think. It’s nuts. We overthink everything, we overanalyze everything, and we look for a reason in things there aren't reasons for.
When we date, we look for situations that don't exist. We look at every text, every Facebook status, and every photo for some sort of hidden meaning. We're constantly attaching assumptions to everything we do. It's time to get out your head and start living through your heart. That's what life is about. When you start living through your heart, you actually start experiencing life rather than thinking about it.
Life is all around you, but if you're concentrating on your own made up thoughts, you're missing it. Who knows what else you're missing while the mad monkeys are chattering in your head. Could you have walked right past the man of your dreams? Think about it and consider making the small change that will make a huge difference.
Want to learn more? Visit my website for more advice.
More love advice on YourTango: