First Date Sex: The Verdict Is In

By

Sex Advice From A Dating Coach
Sex on the first date? We've got the answer - and it might surprise you.

Okay, all you single gals wondering if you should go for it immediately when you meet a hot guy: I've got your answer.

In a recent post on Salon.com, Mary Elizabeth Williams talks about how "decades of sexual liberation" haven’t erased the stigma of being too easy when you sleep with a man on the first date. Her article references a new book called It's Okay To Sleep With Him On The First Date by Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser, as well as a NYmag.com article by Alyssa Shelasky that explores the same issue.

Williams' article explores the idea that men, not just women, need to consent to sex on the first date. This seems silly to me because most men are happy to jump in the sack whenever, and let's face it: many men feel sexual prowess by having multiple partners. The double-standard here is that they sometimes don’t want to think the women they date are "easy" or have "been around." 

For her NYmag.com piece, Shelasky interviewed several women and men who had first date sex to discover what happened after the fact. Turns out, three out of eight women interviewed found lasting love, but five (62 percent) had regrets and never saw the guy again.

This got me thinking about some big lies women are told about first date sex:

1. Women are told that both genders need to consent, and while that's true, it's typically up to the woman to make the final call.

2. Women are still made to believe they should make a man wait.

3. Women are considered manipulative if they do make a man wait, leaving him wanting more.

4. If women decide to go for it on the first date, they are still sometimes considered "slutty."

Here's the big secret: the issue is not about sleeping together too quickly or what men think. It’s about your expectations and emotional state after sex.

Maybe there are fewer men today holding the sexual double standard. But as a dating coach for women over 40, honestly, I don’t care what men think about this. I care passionately about what you think and how you feel. Keep reading...

More sex advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Coach

The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make That Keep You Single here.
Author of MANifesting Mr. Right, Why Can't I Find Love and How to Sizzle Vs. Fizzle Online

Location: Milford, CT
Credentials: CCC, MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan:

Don't Bring Your Ex On A First Date

By

You go out to meet a man for the first time who you connected with online. This is "date zero" and is really a chemistry check to see if there is potential with this new person. Hopefully, things will go well, he'll like you (and you'll like him), and you'll get a second date. Since date zero is all about first impressions and you only ... Read more

The 7 Things You Never Want To Say On A First Date

By

For single women looking for the right man, getting through the first date is your first priority. You only get one chance to make a great first impression, so you want to be at your very best. This is your shot at being a delightful, alluring, feminine presence and making your date feel comfortable and at ease. Men choose women who make them feel good about ... Read more

Over 50 And Nervous About Online Dating? 8 Ways To Avoid Liars

By

Single women over 50 worry that all the men on online dating sites are liars. As a dating coach for women, I understand your concerns. So let me reassure you that from a statistical standpoint, this could not possibly be true; there are a lot of attractive, nice — and honest — guys on these sites. However, most midlife women have some degree of ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB