First Date Sex: The Verdict Is In

Sex Advice From A Dating Coach
Love, Self

Sex on the first date? We've got the answer - and it might surprise you.

Okay, all you single gals wondering if you should go for it immediately when you meet a hot guy: I've got your answer.

In a recent post on Salon.com, Mary Elizabeth Williams talks about how "decades of sexual liberation" haven’t erased the stigma of being too easy when you sleep with a man on the first date. Her article references a new book called It's Okay To Sleep With Him On The First Date by Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser, as well as a NYmag.com article by Alyssa Shelasky that explores the same issue.

Williams' article explores the idea that men, not just women, need to consent to sex on the first date. This seems silly to me because most men are happy to jump in the sack whenever, and let's face it: many men feel sexual prowess by having multiple partners. The double-standard here is that they sometimes don’t want to think the women they date are "easy" or have "been around." 

For her NYmag.com piece, Shelasky interviewed several women and men who had first date sex to discover what happened after the fact. Turns out, three out of eight women interviewed found lasting love, but five (62 percent) had regrets and never saw the guy again.

This got me thinking about some big lies women are told about first date sex:

1. Women are told that both genders need to consent, and while that's true, it's typically up to the woman to make the final call.

2. Women are still made to believe they should make a man wait.

3. Women are considered manipulative if they do make a man wait, leaving him wanting more.

4. If women decide to go for it on the first date, they are still sometimes considered "slutty."

Here's the big secret: the issue is not about sleeping together too quickly or what men think. It’s about your expectations and emotional state after sex.

Maybe there are fewer men today holding the sexual double standard. But as a dating coach for women over 40, honestly, I don’t care what men think about this. I care passionately about what you think and how you feel. Keep reading...

More sex advice from YourTango:

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR