4 Things You Can Learn From A Master Of Sexting

sexting, naked selfies and dick pics
Self, Sex

You'd probably assume I'm a Sexting Rock Goddess — and yeah, you're kinda right ...

Sexting. I think at this point a lot of us do it and it’s one of those things that I’ve realized people assume I must, because of my work, be a rock star at, so today I’m going to get real with you about sexting and give you some advice, some reassurance and maybe even make a confession or two.

So, here goes. Let’s talk about sexts, baby!

Fine. I will admit, there ARE some parts I can be frighteningly good at.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a writer, or if it’s my background in theater, or if I just have a really dirty mind ... but, dude, I can write a damn good sexy message.

The key is having an affinity for dirty talk — and a knack for improv.

Takeaway #1: For a truly sexy text, combine functional dirty talk with improv games to keep the story going. 

A. Express a desire: "I want to ______ your ______."

B. Ask for consent: "Does that sound good?"

C. Keep the story going: "What do you want me to do next?"

Then, I’ll admit it, there are some parts of sexting I’m just really bad at. 

Like, leaving-him-waiting-an-hour-while-I-take-87-pictures-to-get-the-perfect-casually-sprawled-here-in-this-sexy-manner bad.

Or, alternately, sending-the-same-picture-again-because-I’ve-forgotten-who-I’ve-used-that-one-on bad.

Yeah, I use them over. On different people.

Hey, if it’s a really good picture, why would I waste it? Reduce, reuse. recycle!

Anyway, there’s stuff I’m bad at.

Takeaway #2: If you ever feel not great at sexting, know you're not alone. I talk about sex professionally, and sometimes sexting still trips me up. (Also, keep your face out of any naked pics, trust me on this.)

Unpopular opinion: I actually like dick pics (with a BIG caveat).

I recently watched “Inside Amy Schumer” and I loved it, but I was struck by how often she found it necessary to announce that NO ONE likes dick pics, that they are, at the very best, funny — and they most certainly are NEVER arousing.

This is where I have to remind Ms. Schumer that nothing is true for everyone.

I like a dick pic ... IF — and this part is important — it is sent to me with my permission, and (usually) it needs to be a dick I've met in person and have already enjoyed.

Unfamiliar dick doesn’t do it, but dick I’m fond of ... Game on!

Takeaway #3: If you hear the world saying “Dick pics are gross!” and find yourself thinking, “I like looking at dicks, am I gross?" — know that you are NOT. I totally have your back. Just don’t send me your dick.

Fact of the matter is, sometimes I honestly prefer sexting to boning.

Don’t get me wrong. I love sex, but sometimes I like the sexiness that can be accomplished while I’m alone, unshowered, and in my pajamas. No muss, no fuss, and on to the next episode of Sherlock.

Takeaway #4: Sexting can be incredibly satisfying — and I can be incredibly lazy. #sorrynotsorry

There you have it folks! The not-so-sexy life of a sexting sex writer!

I hope I didn’t shatter too many illusions, and that maybe I helped you feel a bit better in your own sexting skin.

This article was originally published at TheRedheadBedhead. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Blogger

Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.