Whose relationship is awesome, and whose is headed for a crash and burn?
We spend a lot of time thinking about celebrities' dating, canoodling, and marriage partners. It's kind of an occupational hazard. Eventually you see patterns forming, and while of course we can’t know what's actually going on in the private lives of our favorite entertainers and media fixtures, that doesn't stop us from admiring and trying to emulate them at times, whether it's a fantastic outfit or what looks like an effortlessly happy, mutually supportive relationship. And then there are the disasters, the twosomes we wish would break up and put each other, and us, out of their misery. Read on for the five couples we like best these days, and five that should head for Splitsville without passing Go.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Really, it's best that these two date each other. It keeps them from infecting the rest of Young Hollywood with Unwashed Hair and Dead Eyes Syndrome. And it gives us plenty to write about whenever the geniuses at OK! make up a fake wedding for them. But mainly we enjoy them because they seem able to ignore the wailing masses of teenage girls who'd like to see K-Stew tarred and feathered, just because she gets to breathe the same air as their precious Pattsy-pants. It looks like they like working together, and they like banging each other. Really, what more can you ask from a couple this callow and besotted? I Like A Guy At Work. Should I Date Him?
Idina Menzel & Taye Diggs: The new parents and Private Practice costars have been married for six years and look just as happy now as they did when they met on Broadway while costarring in Rent. They've endured more than their share of marital trials, even getting vile, racist hate mail because they're an interracial couple (yes, hate mail. In the 2000s.) and some people are worthless hosebags. But they seem to shrug it off and to go on being talented, lovely, scandal-free, and possessed of great rhythm. Maybe they'll get their own variety hour like Sonny and Cher and then we can die happy.
Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka: The Emmy host and his boyfriend of five years recently denied reports that they'd be adopting a baby or becoming parents through surrogacy, but that cruel deferment of adorableness doesn't dim our affection for them in the slightest. After NPH was outed in 2006, he and David made a series of graceful red-carpet appearances, looking dapper and delighted to be together. We love them. Monogamy Advice From Gay Men?
Ivanka Trump & Jared Kushner: The Donald's daughter and the New York real estate scion plan to wed October 25 in New Jersey, surely the first salvo in a new super-dynasty. The two have kept their relationship pretty low-key, with Ivanka saying over the summer that she and her fiancé mesh so well because they're both workaholics. But they've both shown they're willing to compromise for the relationship: Ivanka is converting to Judaism, and Jared has promised to stop making jokes about her dad's hair and ultra super premium five-diamond vodka line. I Went from Muslim to Jewish For Love
Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck: They are adorable. They have adorable children. They seem casual and normal. They don't fight in public, and he's so much less orange than he was when he was engaged to J.Lo. We'd like to have them over for a dinner party and talk about how much the third season of Alias sucked, but our apartment isn't big enough for people over 5'6". Seriously, one of our favorite movie star couples ever. Please stay happy and married forever, Garnflecks.
Amy Winehouse & Blaaaaaaake: There is something to be said for the couple that does loads of heroin together. And what we say is that they should never see each other again. Amy is a mess, Blake is a jerk, and their not-even-quite-that-long-history of emotional terrorism toward each other indicates that each of them should pick a continent and stay on it. We suggest somewhere that does not grow poppies for Amy, and Antarctica for Blake.
LeAnn Rimes & Eddie Cibrian: If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. And same goes for lady cheaters. We'd say these two deserve each other for faithlessly abandoning their respective spouses, but that just seems so mean. After all, there are children and Dean Sheremet involved. So maybe LeAnn and Eddie should just go do some penance and think about the Dalai Lama for a while rather than about shagging each other raw. What Counts As Cheating?
Jon Gosselin & Whoever The Hell He Has Allegedly Nailed Lately: Hailey Glassman? Kate Major? The kids' nanny? Amy Winehouse? We don't care. We just wish Jon Gosselin would put a raincoat on it and shut up forever. His TLC show initially painted Jon as a henpecked, easygoing father of eight saddled with a high-strung, perfectionist wife, but as he began to behave in increasingly tacky and childish ways while his marriage to Kate was imploding, we found ourselves on Team Backward Mullet. Now we're just disgusted by his continual whining and partying. Abandoning his dogs was just the latest grotesque act.
Kanye West & Amber Rose: It is clear Kanye is having a bad week, and possibly needs to resolve some chemical dependency issues, as well as having a bad case of Head Stuck Up His Rear. And Amber…Amber is wearing beige catsuits. That's clearly a sign of some derangement. Both halves of this couple just need to take a little time off from each other, consider pants and/or sunglasses that are not imitating Venetian blinds, and rethink their life goals. Handling a Partner's Unhealthy Habit
Megan Fox & Talking: Talking just gets Megan in trouble. She should break up with Talking and reconsider her path in life. We bet she'd make an excellent toll booth attendant on the New York State Thruway.
Photo via Bauer-Griffin.