People Who Tell The Same Story Over & Over (& Over) Usually Have 7 Specific Traits
Pressmaster | Shutterstock It might be a little annoying to hear your friend's harrowing breakup story ... again. But the fact that she loves to repeat it over and over, and sometimes over again, says a lot about her unique personality.
As much as hearing her tale of woe for the umpteenth time can be tiring, the simple truth is that sharing stories brings us together. We all secretly love when our parents retell anecdotes from our childhood that we've heard a million times, and that's because it connects us to the person lovingly reliving the memory. And those storytellers are pretty amazing people.
Unique traits of people who can't help but repeat the same story over and over again:
1. They can be a little unsure of themselves
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People who repeat their stories often do so for a multitude of different reasons, but one of them could be for validation. This is especially true when the story involves a hardship or an unresolved issue.
For some people, this retelling is a way to gain confidence in their take on what happened or in how they responded to an emotional ordeal. They need the repetition to feel more secure with their reaction, and with each retelling they gain a little more of that confidence, especially when they get validation from the person they are telling.
The stories that we tell are who we are. When someone repeats a story to you, they are trying to remind you that how they acted then is who they are, and that is how they want you to see and know them. Northwestern University professor Dan P. McAdams defines this as "narrative identity," the ever-evolving story of who you are that you are constructing to make sense of and find meaning in your life.
2. They are endearingly nostalgic
Happy memories make us feel good. Telling old schoolyard tales with childhood friends is like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket.
Research has even shown that these memory keepers are like the glue that keeps people bonded and connected through a shared past. Reminiscing on happy, comforting times brings order to chaos, especially when we are feeling blue. It improves mood and even inspires us to help others. Most importantly, it makes us want to be around the people we love.
3. They are diligent and helpful
Sometimes, when someone repeats a story, they are trying to reteach you the lesson they learned from the experience. Professor Adam Galinsky from Columbia Business School explained, "You want to repeat it over and over and over again. It creates a sense of fluency, which increases understanding and truth, value, and validity."
By repeating a story over and over (and over) again, the listener keeps absorbing the details and may even catch something they missed the first couple of times. Because they are repeating their story, they are being as meticulous as possible to reinforce the lessons that they are trying to impart. Think of this like a fable from childhood. At the end of the tale, there is a lesson, which is the whole reason why the story gets repeated to children.
4. They are empathetic and sensitive
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Empathetic and sensitive people feel things deeply. If something has affected them, good or bad, they need to rehash the story and the feelings to work through them.
Highly sensitive people are also susceptible to having what experts call a destination memory. Simply put, they forget who they've told their stories to before. Human beings, broadly speaking, have trouble with destination memory; however, highly sensitive and empathetic people, especially when experiencing heightened emotions, struggle more.
5. They can get lonely
Repetitive storytellers, especially if they are getting older, can get in the habit of repeating themselves because their world has suddenly gotten a bit smaller.
That can sometimes get lonely. And when life gets a little less busy and hectic, the old stories hold more value, so they get told more often. It's a way to connect the past with the present. It's a way for them to stay relevant when life can sometimes feel like it's passing them by.
6. They get bored easily
Sometimes people repeat the same stories over and over because the stories are exciting. They share times when they had fun or something crazy happened in their lives, and when life gets a little boring, they pull out their best memories to bring a little excitement back.
They want to contribute thoughtfully to a conversation without fibbing, so they repeat a story you have heard a few times already because they know it is a good story. Sometimes a good story is just that. It's a good story that's fun to listen to.
7. They are thoughtful
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Repeating stories can be a way to think things through. Authors Antonio Rossini and Christos Strubakos explain in their book "Repeating Words, Retelling Stories: Repetition, Variation, and Serial Significance in Literature," that "repetition does not only serve the purpose of reinforcing a concept, but rather, the creation of a new meaning. This may be engendered by contrast, gradation, and correction."
By repeating a story, the storyteller can reanalyze it further and further, understand the contexts more deeply, and possibly correct others and themselves along the way. It's working through a problem in real time. It's just a collaborative way of thinking and sharing.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
