When Was The Last Time You Celebrated Your Single Friend Who Doesn’t Have Kids?
Single women who don't have kids are often treated like they're just a footnote to other women who are married and mothers.
Matt Mutlu | Unsplash You’re scrolling through Instagram when you see yet another engagement announcement. You’re happy for your friend, but you still feel a little twinge of pain. A few posts down, you come across the gender reveal for your friend who recently told everyone she was expecting. It’s a girl. The comments are filled with congratulations, so you offer your own too.
If you’ve been there, if you’re the single, childless woman watching her friends be celebrated for getting married and having babies, then you know how hard it can be. You do important things too. You have things to be proud of. So why aren’t you treated the same way?
Single, childless women are feeling the sting of having their own very real accomplishments ignored.
According to a 2020 analysis from the Pew Research Center, 31% of female adults were single. Meanwhile, research from the University of New Hampshire found that “there were 5.7 million more childless women of prime child-bearing age than expected given prior patterns.” Choosing to live life single and/or childfree is a growing trend. For some women, it isn’t actually a choice, but a reality they have to face.
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Women should not feel like they have to have children or be married to be important and to matter. Women are continuously breaking the glass ceiling and creating successful careers for themselves. They are buying homes, getting promoted, receiving raises, and traveling the world. Do these things not deserve recognition?
Single women without children face pressure that their married mother friends don’t understand.
A TikToker named Darby shared that she’s single but has been a bridesmaid 17 times. There is a pain that comes with watching everyone around you be celebrated for things you don’t have, and possibly never will, while you feel pushed to the side.
For this reason, Darby is taking matters into her own hands. She recently moved out on her own for the first time, and claimed, “I will be creating a registry and sending the links your way, okay?” she said. “I don’t think I should be buying my own Tupperware. I am in need, and I think it’s your turn to buy it for me … It’s time for me to cash in.”
Some people may think Darby’s idea is humorous, or even inappropriate. But, think about it — women create registries and receive gifts when they get married or have a baby. Why shouldn’t someone do the same when they’re moving out on their own? Do they not have just as much of a right to be celebrated and receive gifts as their married mother counterparts?
Another TikToker, Tasha, said, “When you’re single, every bill lands on you — dinners, activities, events. Seeing the world costs more, and chasing your dream destinations solo can mean paying double.” There’s no one to bounce decisions off of when you’re single or share responsibility with. The weight of the world quite literally feels like it’s all on you.
Single women without children are treated as afterthoughts when their contributions to society are just as significant.
In another TikTok post, a woman named Ashanti questioned whether or not women who are wives and mothers actually take advantage of their single, childfree friends.
“We’re meant to support them through all of the life events they experience — pregnancy, proposals, engagements, destination weddings,” she said. “But rarely, if ever, do married women really allocate time and investment into their single friends’ life events, whether that’s a promotion, a career move, a moving home, traveling,” she continued. “Any other achievement that isn’t related to a man isn’t related to procreation.”
Women are doctors, scientists, lawyers, artists, founders, teachers, and engineers. They are kind, caring, strong, determined, and unstoppable. They are daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, and so much more. Those are the things that we should be celebrating all women for. Their worth is not dependent on their relationship status or whether or not they’re a mother.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
