Self-Sabotaging Empaths Usually Say 6 Phrases When Someone's Wronged Them
Stacey Koenitz | Pexels It's hard for empaths to put themselves first, often giving too much of their energy.
They may rationalize someone's bad behavior, but it leads to self-sabotaging. They end up using certain phrases when another person has wronged them, making excuses and putting their own well-being at risk.
Phrases self-sabotaging empaths say when someone has wronged them
1. 'It's just the way they were raised'
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It's important to learn as we get older that, yes, there's typically a reason why someone mistreats us. It often relates back to childhood, but that's not an excuse for someone to treat you poorly.
As psychiatrist Dr. Judith Orloff explained, "If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though, often feels assaultive, exhausting. Thus, they're particularly easy marks for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage empaths."
When self-sabotaging empaths continue to make excuses, they shouldn't be surprised when people walk all over them continuously.
2. 'They're just busy'
Before they defend their own feelings, self-sabotaging empaths will defend the bad behavior of someone else. They'll give their all in friendships and relationships, but when they need support and that person is avoiding them, all they can say is, "they're just busy."
The friend who ghosts them constantly is just busy. The partner who supposedly loves them is just busy. And while we're all busy, it doesn't take a lot of effort to return a call or text.
3. 'I like being alone'
Since empaths take on other people's emotions, they're more likely to stay single. This applies to friendships as well.
According to Dr. Orloff, "An empath's sensitivity can be overwhelming in romantic relationships. Many stay single since they haven't learned to negotiate their special cohabitation needs with a partner's."
Because an empath absorbs the feelings of others, time alone is how they recharge. But when they say "I like being alone," it's self-sabotaging because it can cause them to spiral internally, believing they're harming someone by not being around to help.
4. 'They're so avoidant'
Empaths are very smart and have likely looked into the psychology behind other people's behaviors. They may have come to understand attachment styles in the process.
Avoidant people tend to struggle to get close with people. It's not because they don't want to, but because they're scared to. While empaths understand this, they self-sabotage by giving that person a pass instead of setting higher standards, despite being wronged by them.
5. 'I could have reacted differently'
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When someone has mistreated them, a self-sabotaging empath's first response is to blame themselves. It's important to take accountability for your actions, but if you haven't done anything wrong, there's nothing to apologize for.
These empaths tend to rationalize harmful behavior by believing that they were in the wrong the whole time, despite believing people are inherently good and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Instead of "I love my friend, but they said something rude," they will say something like, "I provoked him so he said something rude."
6. 'They're more realistic than me'
Self-defeating empaths tend to be people-pleasers who can't set boundaries, so they may have a negative attitude about themselves. They think other people are more intelligent or just better overall, but that's not true.
Even if it's stemming from low self-esteem, they believe it, instead of accepting the truth that another person may be taking advantage of them.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry said that while rationalizing behavior can have some benefits, it's also a defense mechanism. Empaths who say things like this are just trying to protect themselves from the shame and guilt they feel over their own actions.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
