People With A Deep Mental & Emotional Need To Be Liked Usually Say 11 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels Some people aren’t happy with their lives, seeking fulfillment in all the wrong places. One way they do this is by trying too hard to be liked by others, whether it's strangers or work colleagues. It’s easy to feel like doing great in life depends on everyone liking you, but that's simply not true.
While wanting to be liked is completely normal, needing to be liked is very different. “A fixation on getting people’s approval at the expense of making your own choices could interfere with how you live your life,” psychology writer Nancy Lovering warned. And if someone has a deep need to be liked by others, it's easy to tell based on what they say.
When people have a deep need to be liked, they use these phrases in casual conversation
1. ‘That’s a great idea’
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If someone is trying too hard to be accepted and liked by everyone around them, they’re going to agree with everything you say. They won’t share their own opinion at all and will just go along with what you think is best. After all, if they disagree with you, that gives you a reason to dislike them.
It can be dangerous to try to be liked by everyone, though. According to psychotherapist Sean Grover, “Rather than being genuine, you labor to create an image that you think people will find appealing. In the process, you compromise your authentic self, gradually becoming less honest, less natural, and less ‘you.’ The more you hustle for approval, the less others feel at ease with you.”
When someone is desperate to be liked, they create a fake persona that always agrees with you and thinks you’re right. While this might sound nice, it gets old pretty fast.
2. ‘Are you mad at me?’
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Someone like this is going to be insecure and worried that others aren't fully on board with them for some reason. Because of that, they may question if you’re mad at them and need frequent reassurance. They might perceive everything you do as being negative towards them.
Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg claimed that “Are you mad at me?” is actually the worst question you can ask someone. Although someone may actually be trying to figure out if they’re good enough, the question is intrusive and asks too much of the other person.
Asking if someone is mad is unnecessary and, quite frankly, annoying. If the person has no reason to believe they’re mad at them, they probably aren’t. There’s no need to question it.
3. ‘You look amazing’
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When someone has a deep need to be liked by others, they’ll compliment everyone they see, convinced that compliments are the surest way to be accepted. If someone tells you that you look amazing, they may genuinely mean it, but there’s also a chance that they’re saying it to butter you up.
“There’s emotional reciprocity involved with giving compliments. Seeing someone else happy, especially when you were the one who made them happy, in turn, makes you happy. It’s one of the simplest ways to boost someone else’s mood as well as your own,” licensed social worker Hannah Owens said.
If someone gives you a compliment that feels unearned, they may just be trying to boost their low self-confidence. Or, they may be trying to get on your good side so you decide that you like them. Either way, it may not be genuine.
4. ‘I’m sorry about that’
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By apologizing repeatedly, even when it’s not warranted, they’ll assume they're always doing something wrong because they aren't confident in their actions. This is toxic, because nobody needs to apologize or take responsibility for things they didn’t do.
According to therapist Millie Huckabee, "Saying sorry can be a balm for social discomfort and make you feel that you are in emotional control of a situation, or that you’ve protected yourself from further criticism by taking the first shot."
Someone who is trying hard to be liked probably has a lot of built-up anxiety, which can manifest as an insecure apology that isn’t really needed. This is a warning sign to look out for when dealing with people you don’t know very well.
5. ‘I’m happy to help’
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Someone needing to be liked will do anything in their power to help. They’ll go above and beyond, wanting to make themselves useful and offer up help in any way they can, just so people will see them in a better light. They may not really want to help or have the expertise required to do so, but that won’t stop them from trying.
By helping someone else, a person is showing how important that person is to them. Helping others makes them feel loved and valued. In most people’s minds, that would be a sure way to appear more likable, but this may not be genuine.
6. ‘You’re so much better than I am’
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In order to be accepted and liked, a person like this will try to boost your ego and give you compliments. Their goal is to make you feel better about yourself, so you’ll, in turn, feel better about them. By pointing out how much better you supposedly are, they make you shine brighter while their own light dims. It’s the perfect way to make you think you’re special.
When someone insists you're better than them when there's really no competition or need for comparison, they’ll have you second-guessing yourself and wondering why you’re so great in the first place. That’s because their words hold little value. After all, they’ll say whatever it takes to be liked.
7. ‘I’ll pay for it’
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By offering to pay, it's a form of buying your admiration, and there’s a good chance it will work. Who doesn’t love it when a friend picks up the tab at a restaurant or gives you something because it made them think of you?
A 2010 study found that “people will spend large sums of money to forge friendships and bond with a certain crowd.” So, while someone may be a little bit more budget-conscious when it comes to expenses related to themselves, they’re likely to overlook how much it costs to be liked by someone else.
In our society, we typically think of money as a thing that can buy happiness. And, in this case, it can buy friendship. Someone willing to pay for everyone else will find themselves fitting right in with that group.
8. ‘Do you like me?’
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When someone has a deep need to be liked, they're insecure and seek reassurance as a result. They may just flat out ask how others perceive them. If someone asks if you like them, this can put you in a tough position because you may have to choose between answering honestly and hurting their feelings.
This forces you to question whether you do like that person. Of course, if you don’t feel this way, that can cause its own set of problems. Author Barbara Field noted, “When someone lies out of altruism to protect others or ease their pain, these lies are considered acceptable white lies. White lies usually benefit the person listening.”
So, even if you don’t particularly like the person very much, it’s okay to tell them that you do in the name of not hurting their feelings. This may only make them more eager to be liked, though.
9. ‘You’re always right’
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Even if they completely disagree with you, they will claim that you’re always right, no matter what. They’ll go along with whatever you say or do in an attempt to be liked more. Telling you this is their way of getting on your good side by letting you know they think highly of you.
As Lovering noted, “Most people prefer approval over criticism. They want others to like them, and they feel bad when the feedback they get isn’t good.” Naturally, that person will assume other people feel the same way and only give them praise.
While this may feel nice at first, it becomes disingenuous. Perhaps the worst part about someone saying you’re always right is that you know it’s not true. No one can always be right, and being told so feels a little disconcerting.
10. ‘That’s my favorite too’
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Someone like this agrees with you, including when it comes to what your favorite things are. If you share a favorite song or movie, they will automatically pipe up and say they like it, too. They want to be as much like you as possible because they think that’s the way to get you to be their friend.
No two people can agree on everything or like all of the same things. Famed British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said, “If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” By removing their real feelings from the situation, that person is just pushing you away instead of making you like them more.
People enjoy being around others with differences and quirks. If someone seems to be a carbon copy of you, they likely won’t be very fun to be around, especially in the long run.
11. ‘I want us all to be happy’
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A person who needs acceptance will say they want everyone to be happy and get along without disagreements. They will do anything to keep everyone happy and maintain the status quo. The happiness of the group is most important to them because they want everyone to feel included and welcomed. The more they can make people feel that way, the better chance they have at being liked.
But psychotherapist Kristi Pikiewicz shared that attempting to keep everyone else happy can make the one person bearing that load pretty miserable. And this can lead to inequality in relationships.
“There is nothing wrong with this idea, and the most rewarding, mutual relationships are comprised of spontaneous gestures of kindness, love, support and acts of service,” she argued. “Things tend to go south, though, when one person finds himself or herself continuously giving much more than they receive.”
Unfortunately, it isn’t feasible for everyone to get along perfectly. And it’s not even a sure way for someone to get everyone to like them. After all, if they push others closer together, doesn’t that mean there’s a chance that they are farther away from them?
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
