People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Competent Usually Avoid 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Nuva Frames | Shutterstock Being competent doesn’t mean someone is perfect, but it does mean they know what they’re doing.
People who can apply this to their thoughts and feelings are self-aware in a way that makes it easy for them to take accountability. They would never say something that deflects blame onto someone else or shows that they simply don’t care.
People avoid these phrases when they’re mentally and emotionally competent:
1. ‘This is your fault’
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Some people are so afraid of the consequences of their actions that they shift the blame onto someone else instead. This can easily turn into gaslighting if they make that person question what they know is true.
People with mental and emotional competence don’t do that. They might not feel good about admitting they were wrong, but they’re still willing to do it because they know it’s their responsibility. They would never go so far as to deny the role they played and claim it was someone else’s fault.
2. ‘They got what they deserved’
When someone feels like another person really did something wrong, especially if it hurt them personally, there’s a good chance that they’ll become resentful. When karma evens the score, they might be tempted to say that person doesn’t deserve any sympathy because of what they did before.
A deep level of competence stops people from reacting that way. Even if someone else was in the wrong, they wouldn’t use that to justify the pain they feel later. They know what it’s like to be in their position, so they won’t enjoy watching them suffer.
3. ‘I’m not going to apologize’
When asked to describe apologies, psychology professor Karina Schumann, PhD, said, “They really go a long way to show concern, to show that you care about the relationship, about the person, that you want to make things right.”
That’s really what being emotionally competent is all about. It’s hard for someone to humble themselves enough to say they’re sorry, but these people will, so they can fix whatever harm they caused. Healthy relationships are more important to them than their pride.
4. ‘Nobody cares’
We’ve all been in a situation where it seems like someone is totally blowing something out of proportion. These are the times when people show how mentally and emotionally competent they are.
If someone responded by scoffing at them, they would immediately feel emotionally invalidated. Even if they don’t share their feelings, a competent person will make them feel understood instead of basically being one step away from laughing at them.
5. ‘I only did that because of you’
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It’s pretty messed up for someone to blame someone else for what they did, but it happens a lot. This is an example of blame-shifting where one person makes another feel like their toxic behavior is their fault.
A competent person would never be able to put someone through that. They know that they’re the only one who’s responsible for the things they do, and they don’t try to make themselves feel better by claiming that someone else forced their hand somehow.
6. ‘That’s just the way I am’
Someone who doesn’t want to admit they hurt another person might fall back on the claim that that’s the kind of person they are and there’s no way for them to change. They use it to justify their bad behavior so they don’t have to face what really happened.
Most behavior actually does happen automatically, so someone could easily argue there’s truth to a phrase like “that’s just the way I am.” Anyone can change if they’re willing to put in the effort, though.
People with emotional competence understand this perfectly. They never turn to excuses when they could work to change their behavior.
7. ‘I don’t need anyone’s help’
Stanford social psychologist Xuan Zhao said that one of the biggest reasons people avoid asking for help is that they think it makes them look incompetent. That makes it sound like the last thing a competent person would do, but that’s not actually true.
People think they look weak when they ask for help, but that’s completely inaccurate. When someone really is competent, they’re able to see through the lie that asking for help threatens their identity. They always feel grateful when someone else can pitch in so they don’t have to rely completely on themselves.
8. ‘They’re obviously jealous’
It feels pretty easy for most people to explain away someone who doesn’t like them as just being jealous of how great they are, but it’s also super immature. Wanting to be liked is a natural human instinct, so there’s no way for someone to get around feeling upset when they realize another person doesn’t like them.
The way they react after they get over that initial pain is very telling. People with mental competence can accept the truth for what it is without trying to make it seem like the other person has a problem that’s affecting their judgment.
9. ‘There’s nothing I can do to change it’
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This is one way for someone to shut down a conversation and dismiss people’s requests for help. An incompetent person will insist there’s simply nothing they can do to change what’s happened, even when that’s obviously not true.
Mentally competent people fall into a different category. Their mental flexibility helps them think it’s possible to change, which then makes it easier for them to admit when they did something wrong and try to act differently in the future.
They would never say there’s nothing they can do. Even if it requires some effort on their part, they’ll make a change.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
