People Who Are Lying Often Casually Drop 5 Phrases In Conversation, According To FBI Special Agent
alex avalos | Unsplash Think you can spot a liar? You might be surprised. According to former FBI special agent Jack Schafer, who spent years interrogating suspects, liars rarely say something blatantly false; instead, they slip small tells into everyday conversation without even realizing it. The trick is knowing what to listen for.
These five casual-sounding phrases are some of the most common red flags used by deceptive people, and once you know them, you won’t hear conversations the same way again.
People who are lying often casually drop these phrases:
1. 'That’s about it'
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"About” is a word qualifier, indicating the speaker has more to say but does not want to elaborate. If the speaker told the entire story, his or her response would be, “That’s it.” The word “about” signals that the response falls short of the entire story. Truthful people relate all the facts without fear of legal or social consequences.
2. 'You can’t prove that'
The word “prove” suggests that evidence exists to verify the supposition or accusation, but the speaker failed to find the hidden proof. Honest people do not think in terms of proof.
They know no evidence exists because they did not do what the speaker accused them of. The UC Law Journal showed that deceptive people know proof of their deception exists, but the speaker has not yet found enough evidence to support the accusation.
3. 'Why would I do that?'
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Answering a question with a question is a major red flag for possible deception. Honest people make direct denials.
They typically respond, “I didn’t do that.” Deceptive people are evasive, and when they are caught off guard, they need extra time to think of a believable response. A response like, “Why would I do that?” buys the deceptive person precious time to formulate one.
4. 'Are you accusing me?'
By answering a question with a question, the accused may subtly try to turn the tables on his or her accuser, putting the questioner on the defensive.
The unspoken words of the accused are, “How dare you accuse me? Prepare to defend yourself.” This subtle counterattack prompts the accuser to justify the accusations. In doing so, the accused buys time to press a counterattack or prepare a believable story.
The simple answer to this question: “Yes, I am accusing you, or I would not have brought the topic up in the first place.” This response parries the counterattack and puts the accused back on the defensive.
5. 'I don’t remember doing that'
Deceptive people often claim a lack of memory to cover the truth. This defense sets two traps for dissemblers.
First, to not remember what you did, you must have an extant memory of the event. By definition, to not remember something, you must have initially stored the information in your memory. The lack of memory indicates the memory is stored in the brain, but that person cannot retrieve it.
Truthful people typically respond, “I don’t know.” A lack of memory suggests the person cannot retrieve a memory and therefore does not know what happened. Honest people do everything they can to retrieve the memory of an event. Deceptive people avoid revealing remembered information for fear of revealing the truth.
The second trap is similar. A person cannot say, “I don’t remember doing that,” unless they remember what they did. The word “that” suggests the person doesn't remember a specific set of actions.
To say, “I didn’t do that,” the person must know what they did. Logically, how can someone say they don't remember doing something when they have no memory of the event? The word “that” suggests a memory of an event.
The questioner’s response to this gambit should be, “What do you remember doing?” Honest people will tell you what they remember doing to support their alibi. Dishonest people usually cling to the lack of memory by saying, “I don’t know what I did.”
Here, the questioner should respond, “If you don’t know what you did, it is possible that you did exactly what I described.” Deceptive people do not attempt to retrieve a memory of an action for fear of revealing the truth.
The key to detecting deception is to listen carefully to what someone tells you. Words do not simply fall from people’s mouths. They have meaning and directly represent what a person is thinking. Words can, and do, reveal deception.
Jack Schafer, Ph.D., is a retired FBI Special Agent and behavioral analyst, and a professor at Western Illinois University in the Law Enforcement and Justice Administration. He is the author/co-author of six books, has published many articles in professional journals, and contributes to Psychology Today and Inc.
