People Who Weaponize Therapy Speak Usually Say 11 Phrases That Seem Perfectly Reasonable At First
Anastasija Vujic | Shutterstock Going to therapy can be an essential part of self-care. Yet the rise of mental health awareness has certain downsides, specifically, the prevalence of “therapy speak,” which can be defined as the use of psychological language in everyday life. Misusing therapy speak happens when people use terms incorrectly, such as applying them to situations where they don’t fit.
People who use therapy speak to manipulate others usually say these things:
1. 'You're acting manic'
Mental health content creator, Dr. Ana Yudin, described therapy speak as “a prescriptive way that primarily therapists and therapy clients have learned to communicate with other people.”
While part of a therapist’s job is to teach people to communicate effectively, Dr. Yudin recognized the pitfalls of therapy speak, saying, “There is a malignant underbelly to therapy speak, in which people use it in a very hyper-individualistic way.”
“They use it in a way that feels inauthentic and unnatural and in a way where it kind of feels like they’re turning off their empathy for the person that they’re speaking to,” she continued. “It is sometimes weaponized by manipulative people.”
A common example of weaponized therapy speak is assigning clinical labels to people without a professional diagnosis. Labeling can also be known as “armchair psychology.” It’s an inherently harmful practice, especially when it’s done by people who aren’t professionally trained mental health practitioners.
Labeling can take various forms, like calling someone a narcissist when they’re being self-centered or throwing the term “manic” around to describe someone’s behavior.
It not only distills complex issues into overly simplistic terms, but also makes people feel othered and pushed to the margins, without the person doing the labeling fully understanding what they’re going through.
2. 'Your feelings have nothing to do with me'
Weaponizing therapy speak also occurs when people use psychological terms to blame others for their own behavior. Examples include saying, “This wouldn’t be a problem if you knew how to handle your emotions,” or “Your feelings have nothing to do with me.”
Blaming harms relationships in clear-cut ways. It toxically shifts focus away from one person’s actions to their partner while denying any responsibility they may have for the negative interaction.
3. 'That sounds like your own stuff coming up'
Projecting is similar to blaming. It occurs when someone projects their personal, internal feelings onto another person without understanding or considering the other person’s experience.
When a person projects, they misinterpret their own difficult or negative emotions and place them onto another person, for example, claiming their partner is angry when they’re actually the one who’s angry.
Projecting harms relationships because it deflects the emotional issues at play and lets the projector pretend nothing is wrong.
4. 'You're being way too sensitive about this'
Dismissing is using disparaging comments to undercut someone’s feelings and make them feel like they don’t matter. It comes up in moments of conflict or tension when one partner tells the other that their lived experience doesn’t matter. Dismissing makes people feel small or insignificant, cutting them down and giving one person power or control over the other.
5. 'That's just your trauma talking'
Invalidating hurts others because it denies people their inherent humanity. Ignoring what someone is going through emotionally sends the message that you don’t care.
Acknowledging how someone feels matters, even when you don’t see eye to eye on the issue. Letting someone know you see and hear them is crucial to maintaining close relationships and deep emotional intimacy.
6. 'I'm not the one who's dysregulated; you are'
DexonDee | Shutterstock
Deflecting is shifting the focus from yourself to your partner, like saying, “I’m not the one who’s dysregulated; you are.” It’s a way of saying, “It’s not me, it’s you,” which can make people in relationships feel isolated and on their own when it comes to resolving emotional issues.
7. 'I'm protecting my peace'
Being defensive is another form of deflection that happens when someone struggles to own their emotions. Getting defensive can mean shutting down, turning off their ability to listen, have a hard conversation, or hear critique about their actions. It can be viewed as a maladaptive survival tactic, taken when someone struggles to witness and hold space for their own feelings.
8. 'You're literally gaslighting me right now'
A major part of misusing therapy speak in a harmful way is assigning terms to people’s behavior without understanding the full scope of their lived experience.
This can show up in many different ways. One common thread across pop psychology and social media is diagnosing people based on slivers of their personality without holding professional accreditation to do so.
Telling someone they’re gaslighting you when they, in fact, aren’t, or telling a person they’re showing sociopathic tendencies solely because they’re acting in a way you don’t like are prime examples of using psychological terms out of context.
9. 'If you really respected my healing, you'd do this for me'
Weaponizing therapy speak causes harm when it’s used to manipulate other people into behaving how you want them to. Gaslighting is a prime example of emotional manipulation, as is being passive-aggressive or not saying how you really feel.
Emotional manipulation in relationships is a form of coercive control that often signifies abuse. It can be subtle, yet it can make the person on the receiving end feel unstable or like they’re at fault.
10. 'I'm doing the best I can with what I have'
Knowing how to say you’re sorry is key to resolving conflict in relationships, and it's a normal part of partnership. We all make mistakes, but what we do afterward determines whether we show up authentically for ourselves and our partners.
Not holding yourself responsible for your negative actions creates distance, which can signal the dissolution of a partnership. Leading with repair in mind is a healthy approach to the inevitable fighting that arises between people, whereas weaponized therapy-speak lets people build walls and stay disconnected from one another.
11. 'This conversation isn't serving me'
Using psychological terms incorrectly can also help someone avoid direct conflict with their partner. Deflecting, dismissing, and invalidating someone else’s emotions forces retreat instead of opening up a dialogue where compromise can be reached.
At its best, therapy speak can help people express themselves and show compassion for how they feel and how others enter the world. It can offer a sense of community. At worst, it creates a major disconnect, leaving people stuck in scarcity and rejection instead of understanding.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things related to the entertainment industry.
