Once You Finally Understand The ‘Invisible Guest Theory,’ It Suddenly Makes Being Around A Lot Of People Feel Less Daunting
PeopleImages | Shutterstock We're all so focused on ourselves, and we assume everyone else is too. Once you realize that those people are actually focusing on themselves instead of you, it can be liberating. The truth is, some people are the life of the party and have no problem being around big crowds. But, more often than not, people really struggle with the idea of being around a lot of people. Whether someone is experiencing social anxiety or just feels a bit more introverted, they probably feel overwhelmed by the thought of being surrounded by others.
For a long time, there’s really been no good way to address this problem, other than encouraging people to do their best and reminding them that no one is really scrutinizing them as much as they think. Now, however, there might be a better option. Kristy, a TikToker on her own journey to find an “over 40 glow up,” shared the "invisible guest theory" to keep you grounded.
If you ever feel self-conscious around others, you can remember the ‘invisible guest theory.’
According to Kristy, the key is to remember that no one is really paying all that much attention to you — just like you’re not paying much attention to everyone else. “Have you guys ever heard of the invisible guest theory?” she asked. “Most people are so consumed with their own flaws.”
In fact, they’re so obsessed with those flaws that they don’t really have time to notice you. “Like when you walk into a party, half the time they’re so consumed with how they look, if they said something dumb, if people are judging them, they don’t even notice if you’re around,” she added.
Think about it. When you’re around a big group of people, you’re most focused on yourself. That means everyone else is the exact same way. So, you’re an invisible guest; no one is noticing you the way you think they are.
Another way to think of this is through the phenomenon known as the ‘spotlight effect.’
Clinical psychologist Arlin Cuncic, MA, explained, “The spotlight effect is a term social psychologists use to refer to the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us. In other words, we tend to think there is a spotlight on us at all times, highlighting our mistakes or flaws for all the world to see.”
While anyone can experience the spotlight effect, Cuncic noted that it is particularly problematic for people who are already suffering from social anxiety. This is because they have more activity than usual in their amygdala, which controls their fight-or-flight response.
Cuncic added, “All people, but especially those with social anxiety, are very focused on themselves, their actions, and their appearance and believe everyone else is just as aware.” But the thing is, just like you aren’t really that aware of other people, they’re not really that aware of you. If you can remember that, it will feel less daunting to be around crowds.
We can learn to overcome the self-consciousness that is so pervasive in our culture.
Professor Jim Taylor, PhD, said that we are living in an interesting era when social media makes us all feel like we’re constantly being judged, and traditional media repeatedly sends us the message that we don’t measure up. This has led to an increase in self-consciousness, which can hold people back.
Karola G | Pexels
“Self-consciousness can prevent people from being who they are, expressing what they are feeling, doing what they want to do, and all because they are afraid of what other people will think or say about them,” he said.
We live in a society that is constantly selling us the dichotomous message of always being yourself and always worrying about judgment from others. If we learn to accept that no one is nearly as focused on us as we are on ourselves, it can help us feel more comfortable when we’re around a lot of people. We may be the main character in our own lives, but we definitely aren’t in anyone else’s.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
