Parent Asks How To Tell Daughter She'll Be Cut Off Financially At 18 To 'Instill Frugality'
fast-stock | Shutterstock There are some parents who draw a hard line in the sand once their child becomes an adult. Not only do the expectations become more rigid, but their freshly turned 18-year-old children are on their own financially, as well.
Such was the case for one parent, who questioned how they should break it to their daughter that the minute she turns 18, she's basically on her own. That means no financial support in an effort to teach independence.
A parent asked how to tell their 17-year-old daughter they're cutting her off financially when she turns 18 to 'instill frugality.'
"I’ve decided to basically cut off my daughter once she’s finished with high school, which will be just over five months from now. She didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not eager to be rid of her, and I could easily continue to provide for her basic needs, but I won’t," the 17-year-old girl's parent began in the advice submitted to Slate's money advice column.
They explained that when they were their daughter's age, they lived with their parents well into their 20s. Despite the stability, they admitted that it didn't do them any favors, and so they've come to believe that the "sink or swim" and "hard knock" life philosophies are something they want to instill in their daughter.
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"My only question is when and how to deliver this news to my daughter. I don’t want to ruin her birthday or the rest of her senior year, so I may wait until after graduation to tell her she’s on her own. I’ve been trying to instill frugality, budgeting, and saving, but my daughter doesn’t yet know how important that will soon be for her," they shared.
They insisted that if their daughter knew about the plan to cut her off financially, she might be better prepared. At the same time, the stress of suddenly needing to take care of herself might derail her goals and even affect her well-being.
The parent said that they have a 'loving and tender' relationship with their daughter, but worry that this decision will ruin it.
They continued, "My daughter and I have a tender, loving relationship, and I’m sure she will be surprised to find out she’s being turned away. Or maybe she will surprise me and fly the nest without being pushed. She actually told me months ago that I shouldn’t pay for college; that is actually what got me started down this road."
Despite wanting to cut their daughter off financially, they're hoping that they can still have a good relationship with her. But at the same time, they understand that she most likely won't want to communicate with them after that either.
In response to this parent's dilemma, Slate's advice columnist honestly explained that there is a strong possibility their daughter feels slighted and cuts off contact with them altogether. The issue isn't the fact that they want their daughter to be independent, but the fact that to teach her that, they're deciding to cut her off entirely.
Most young adults are unable to achieve financial independence.
According to a survey from the Pew Research Center, a majority of young adults say they remain financially dependent on their parents to some extent, like receiving help paying for things like rent or their phone bills. Add to that the current state of the economy and the job market, and simply pushing kids out of the nest seems more damaging than helpful.
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Times are very different than when older generations were growing up. Turning 18 meant there were plenty of jobs allowing for financial independence, but now that is not the case at all. On top of that, just because 18 is a legal adult in the eyes of the law doesn't mean that they're actually adults at all. They still need parental guidance and support.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
