Working Woman With A Stay-At-Home Boyfriend Asks How To Get Him To ‘Step Up’ Without Having To Nag
Andrii Zastrozhnov | Shutterstock A 29-year-old woman admitted she's reached a crossroads with her boyfriend and isn't sure how to tell him he should be doing more to help around the house. More importantly, she wants to tell him all this without sounding like she's nagging.
Posting her dilemma on the subreddit "r/Advice," she opened up about their relationship, noting that while she has been working full-time, her boyfriend has remained unemployed. Unfortunately, he's not pulling his weight, and she has no interest in becoming his "mom," scolding him into doing more around the house.
The woman wants her stay-at-home boyfriend to 'step up' without having to nag.
"Since the beginning, I’ve always been the provider in this relationship," she began in her Reddit post. "I have my own apartment and he previously lived with his parents. By the end of the year of us dating, he would come over more and more often, leading to him finally just moving in to my place. The thing is, shortly after him moving in with me, he lost his job and ended up being a stay at home boyfriend."
She explained that it's been two years since he lost his job, and for the entire second year he's been living with her, he simply stays at home and does what he pleases, whether that's going to the gym or playing video games to his heart's content. That doesn't bother her, but the dynamic of their relationship is beginning to.
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"I do everything around the house, I work full-time, I cook, I clean, I pay the rent, bills, groceries, pay for our dinners, pay for every outing, let him drive my car anytime we go anywhere," she continued. "If he needs gas money or money for a haircut I provide that to him. Anytime he needs clothes or shoes or a new video game I will get it for him no questions asked. I let him carry around my debit card and basically anything he wants I’ll cover it."
She emphasized that they need to find some kind of balance.
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She admitted that in her family, the woman being the breadwinner is considered the norm, so that being her role isn't making things hard. She just wants a better balance where she isn't doing everything while he's doing absolutely nothing.
She revealed that she's "nagged" him about his lack of responsibility in the past, and it took countless arguments for him to finally get a routine of doing some chores around the house. But recently she's been experiencing more stress at work because her job might be on the line, and she expected him to step up since she's been visibly panicking about it.
"In my head, if you visibly see that I am stressed, on top of all of my responsibilities, wouldn’t any normal person just step up without the other person having to ask? Maybe it’s just how I was raised or maybe I was just spoiled in my past relationships because I've never had to nag for any of these things."
There's been an interesting rise in the stay-at-home boyfriend.
This woman's dilemma isn't an uncommon one, especially recently. As of early 2026, more women than men held payroll jobs in the United States. Over the last year, jobs held by men fell by a net 142,000, while jobs held by women increased by 298,000.
The gender gap in labor force participation rate has also narrowed. The male rate has fallen nearly 20 points since tracking began in 1948, from 86.7% to 67.2% today. The female rate jumped from 32% to 57.2%.
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Despite women working more than men, they still do the bulk of the housework. An economist named Corinne Low explained, "Men’s time doing housework is about the same as it was in the 1970s. And that’s true whether or not the woman earns more money or the man earns more money."
Even when women are out-earning their male partners, it doesn't seem to alleviate any of the household stress. It truly doesn't matter if they're working full-time or staying at home; the load is still the same. But, you really shouldn't have to force someone to step up in the way they should, either. It should really only take one conversation in which needs are voiced for someone to step up.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
