6 Frustrating Signs Of A 'Facebook Grandparent' Who Brags Online About The Grandkids They Know Nothing About
Do your parents take an active role in your kids' lives, or are they only there for the highlights?
November27 | Shutterstock By now, we all know that almost everything we see online is not as it seems. People showcase the best aspects of their lives on social media, and grandparents are no different.
One content creator and millennial mom named Phyllis introduced viewers to the concept of "Facebook grandparents." These baby boomer grandmas and grandpas take to the app to brag about their grandkids and all of their accomplishments, while simultaneously lacking any real involvement in their lives. They endlessly post about how perfect their grandchildren are, but really know next to nothing about them.
Here are 6 frustrating signs of a 'Facebook grandparent':
1. They don’t want to spend time with their grandkids.
This, Phyllis said, is completely different from the childhood she experienced in which she made precious memories with her grandparents. “If our parents were exhausted or just needed a weekend off, [a] weekend away, call Grandma,” she said. “We [stayed] at our grandparents’ for the weekend, and we had a blast. It was so fun. They wanted to spend time with us.”
Today’s kids, and parents, often don’t have this same luxury. Facebook grandparents just don’t prioritize spending time with their grandchildren.
ABC 7 News reported that baby boomers often don’t want to spend their hard-earned retirement years caring for children for a second time. This creates an awkward situation as their millennial kids want them to be involved, and their grandkids likely do too. Still, they refuse, leaving parents feeling like they don’t have a strong support system and kids feeling like they don’t have that extra layer of love and care.
2. They aren’t part of the 'village.'
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We’ve all heard the adage a thousand times: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Typically, that village consists of other family members; however, according to Phyllis, it no longer includes today's grandparents.
“It was like a community,” she explained. “They had a community going on where it wasn’t just our parents raising their kids by themselves … It was my grandma, my grandpa, my parents, everybody.” The same, she argued, cannot be said for “new age” grandparents.
3. They think their grandkids are undisciplined.
Sometimes, Facebook grandparents don’t want to be around their grandkids because they don’t think they behave very well. Or, as Phyllis put it, “Some of these grandparents are running to the hills to avoid these grandkids because they’re so unruly, undisciplined, 'spoilt' little brats with a T.”
Phyllis admitted that she doesn’t necessarily disagree with this assessment of today’s children, but that that doesn’t give grandparents the right to stay uninvolved.
4. They don’t offer parenting help.
Phyllis piggybacked off of her previous point to make her next one. “What about if you helped discipline these ‘spoilt’ little brats?” she questioned. “What about if you were there for your kids? Maybe they’re struggling to figure out how to discipline. You know, discipline is one of the hardest things in parenting.”
Many grandparents are happy to point out the faults in their children’s parenting, but would rather not get involved in the actual raising of their grandkids. Or, in some cases, they do try to help, but their advice isn’t well-received by their own kids. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that there are "undisciplined kids in every single generation,” Phyllis said.
5. They’re too caught up in their own lives.
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For this point, Phyllis gave an example. “You just had a baby?” she said, quoting a supposed grandparent. “Well, that’s not my fault. I’m working. If I get a chance to come up to the hospital and see you and the baby, I will.” Of course, the grandparent in this scenario never shows up.
This makes them appear selfish, but don’t be so quick to make assumptions as they may have a good reason for their absence. Research from AARP found that 40% of grandparents are still working.
Writing for the parenting blog Scary Mommy, Deedee Moore pointed out that millennials’ grandmothers were more likely to be homemakers, and therefore more available. Perhaps we really do need to cut grandparents some slack.
6. They make obligatory posts on social media about their grandkids
Perhaps the true hallmark of a “Facebook grandparent” is exactly what the name implies — they post about their grandkids on Facebook without having any real involvement in their lives. “My mom comes over for her yearly visit, snaps a picture of the kids, or sometimes she doesn’t even do that," Phyllis admitted. "She’ll just take a picture off my Facebook page, post it to her Facebook page, and say, ‘I love hanging out with my grandkids so much. They’re so amazing.’”
This is understandably frustrating. Facebook grandparents curate an image of involvement, when in reality, they only show up for milestones or when they absolutely have to. But kids need grandparents who are there for them, not just there for the accolades or on social media.
Still, there are a lot of devoted grandparents out there who love spending time with their grandchildren. They help take care of them and are an active, involved presence in their lives. Unfortunately, Facebook grandparents give them a bad name.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
