3 Innocent Behaviors That Secretly Repel Husbands Over Time, According To Experts
Everyday habits that can slowly drive a wedge between you and your partner.
freestocks.org | Canva Turn-ons and turn-offs are common topics to discuss at some point in your early relationship as you get to know each other's physical love language. One study on marital conflict behaviors found that these behaviors often involve a lack of effort, emotional neglect, and the presence of destructive conflict patterns.
Now, it seems the topic of romance and intimacy has disappeared along with late-night talk sessions or early-morning cuddles in bed. What happened? Where did the expressions of love go?
Here are three innocent behaviors that secretly repel husbands over time, according to experts:
1. Giving feedback in a cruel or hostile way.
Good feedback depends a lot on the tone and volume in which it is delivered. I always encourage my couples to communicate openly. But the "how" in the communication process is critical. If the goal is not to shut the entire interlude down, if she wants him not to feel startled and hurt, if she wants him to learn what she needs, then she has to be mindful of how she delivers the feedback.
I work with so many people who grew up in harsh and neglectful families. I often hear, " I can't imagine talking to my partner in such a kind way." But I want to encourage you because you can learn to talk to your partner like this!
— Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D. Author, Psychologist, and AASECT Certified Therapist
2. Bombarding their partners with grievances
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Instead of a friendly greeting when they see their husbands after the workday, some wives bombard them with grievances. This casts an immediate chill and makes some men dread coming home.
A better time to discuss problems is after dinner or after the kids are in bed, when you can mutually discuss how each other's day went. Think about it: if you come home tired after a long day, do you want to be greeted by a list of complaints or a relaxing, "Hi, honey, I'm glad to see you!" I think you know the answer.
— Dr. Gloria Brame, Therapist
3. Significant changes to their partner's appearance
The biggest turn-off that husbands complain about is when their spouse changes their appearance with plastic surgery or even hair color! I have had several clients who had their bodies augmented to make their body parts bigger or smaller, which led to a breakup.
The women have confided in me that they feel secure now that they are married, but have always wanted to change their body image without thinking of the consequences for their partner. Men have told me they fell in love and married the person of their dreams, so making any visual changes is a dealbreaker!
— Dr. Ava Cadell, Relationship coach and AASECT Certified Counselor
What has been turning him off can be changed in most situations where the relationship has a healthy foundation. You might want to rethink the complete style make-over, save discussing problems until after you have reconnected with him at the end of the work day, and deliver criticism with kind compassion, and you can get the love back in your marriage.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
