You Might Become Instantly Unlikable If You Do These 7 Things — Even By Accident, Warns Relationship Expert
Eugenio Marongiu | Canva You try and try, yet you can’t keep a guy. Sorry about the rhyme, but I couldn’t resist. It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? This is a situation many ponder but don’t know how to remedy. Research on why it is so difficult to find love identified pickiness among 58 other unlikable reasons that keep people from starting an intimate relationship.
"Women are more likely to report pickiness as a reason that keeps them back from starting a relationship." The study also pointed out how being choosy, though it makes you unlikable to people you don't desire, is an effective way to find long-lasting relationships. Confusing, right? So, let’s see what we can do to push you forward to the right partner and work on rectifying the behaviors that, in addition to being finicky, may accidentally make you instantly unlikable.
You might become instantly unlikable if you do these 7 things — even by accident, warns relationship expert:
1. You don't find yourself likable
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One thing I’ve learned from watching successful couples over the years and reflecting on my own former disastrous experiences is that if you don’t truly like yourself, the right person does not show up. I've always wondered why some women get great guys. The answer is simple: A study of self-esteem showed that they feel good about themselves.
Whether they were born with high self-esteem, people told them they were good, or they figured it out themselves, they accomplished a huge feat. They like who they are. And they reap the benefits of that self-love because all kinds of good things happen in their lives. Self-esteem is everything, and if you don’t have it, you need to get it. You’ll have to go within yourself to capture this pot of gold. How you do that is up to you. Perhaps counseling, helpful reading materials, self-exploration, or all three are in order. Either way, once you take the time to deal with it, you can begin to thrive in the relationship department.
2. You accept low-quality behavior
You know you can find a partner, but what kind of person is the right person? Deep down, you know the answer, but sometimes, we put up with garbage because we think we deserve it. Or we block out the right one in the name of love because we just don't want to be lonely at the moment.
Get rid of these low-quality people — you’re wasting your time, and so are they. I know that’s easier said than done, but maybe you’re reading this at just the right time to do something about it. Do things you love that uplift you instead of spending time with people who aren't anywhere near your level.
3. You talk to yourself unkindly
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What do you say to yourself all day long? Pay attention to how you treat yourself inside your head. Often, we are calling ourselves names like "dummy" and "stupid" and say negative stuff like "I can’t believe you did that, you idiot." Even though you only hear yourself, these thoughts come through you and show to the outside world as a sad, bad, or negative attitude. No great guy wants any part of that.
Leadership coach Dr. D. Ivan Young advised, "Only when you take full responsibility for your actions will you benefit fully from them. Acknowledge your hyper-critical, unreliable inner voice, analyze its origin and intention, then overrule its aggressive negativity with your own deliberate, well-informed sense of self-worth." Catch your internal dialogue and back off. Lighten up and replace this unhelpful talk with some forgiveness and kinder words. Remember, you’re human, and you’re not capable of being perfect — nobody is.
4. You have unlikable friends
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You have friends, and that’s great. It would be good if you decided whether these people are helping or hindering your romantic life. Think about the following questions:
- Do you focus on your friends to avoid dealing with relationships?
- Do your friends encourage you to find a partner that’s best for you?
- Do these people lift you or bring you down?
- Are your friends likable people? Or have you been told more than once that they're difficult to get along with?
On some level, your friends represent you. After all, you get to choose them, unlike family. Allow people into your life who think you’re terrific, love you, and have your best interests at heart. Maybe they’ll even help you find your beloved.
5. You’re closed off
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You may or may not know this, but research has indicated you might be pushing the right guy away because of some past bad experience. You were hurt deeply. He had issues, he paid no attention, he didn’t care, he slept with someone else. All life lessons that can blow us back so far, we just shut down. It’s okay to take some time and regroup. As a matter of fact, it’s good for you. But when you hide away for too long, it’s harder to come back. Take a deep breath and get out there and try again. Sure, you could get hurt, but you’ll be okay. He’ll be worth it.
6. You don't pay attention
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You’re just fluttering through life, a butterfly floating in the wind. That actually doesn’t sound too bad. However, are you conscious of what’s happening to you and around you? Might there be a great person who wants to be your love, and you don’t give him the time of day, or you put him directly into the friend zone? Take a second and step back. Maybe this guy is sweet, and kind, and lives to make you happy. If you even think you could remotely be attracted to him, this is a guy you need to explore.
7. You’re too busy
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We’re all so busy, aren’t we? Being busy is apparently a badge of honor. Please, it’s so overrated. I know you have goals and responsibilities, but you must give yourself downtime. Your brain needs time to rest. Of course, you’re busy, but is finishing your 30th project of the week worth missing out on Mr. Right?
Is this your time to stop pushing great men away and allow a beautiful relationship to manifest? As always, that’s up to you. But imagine a beautiful life with a person who thinks you make the world go around. Most people want that, and you do too. You just need to realize you actually deserve it.
Lori Peters is a dating coach, radio show host, writer, and speaker on happiness and well-being. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships.
