3 Boundaries To Set With Your Jealous Partner
Boundaries work better than "just get over it".
Prostock-studio | Canva When you live with a jealous spouse, life can be frustrating and exasperating. You may feel that your partner's jealousy gets in the way time and time again. What can you do when your partner seems to be frequently controlled by jealousy?
Contrary to popular belief, there is a lot you can do. The one thing you cannot do is solve your mate's jealousy problem for them. As much as you'd like to force your partner to "get over being jealous," this is nearly impossible.
However, you can set boundaries with your spouse to support their efforts to overcome jealousy. These boundaries can also help you two to move closer together again.
Here are 3 ways to set boundaries with your jealous partner.
1. Set boundaries with an awareness of your tendencies
You know best if you are innocent in this situation. Be very honest with yourself and own up to it if you behave in ways that could trigger jealousy in your partner and undermine trust in your marriage.
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It isn't about you taking the blame. Instead, this is about recognizing any tendencies that you have that might be playing a role in the tension and conflict in your marriage. Do you like to flirt with others? As harmless and innocent as your motives may be to you, probably, your mate does not see this as harmless or innocent.
Do you appreciate looking at and maybe commenting on attractive people's bodies? You may know you're only looking, but your partner does not. When you look too long or too longingly at others, it can most certainly lead to jealousy and insecurity within your mate.
You may not even be aware of all of the ways that you are contributing to the jealousy. Take some time to evaluate your habits and see if there are ways you might be fueling jealousy in your mate without meaning to.
2. Set boundaries with love and kindness
You can set boundaries with your jealous partner with love and kindness. Come to the discussion as calmly as you can. Be clear about what you will do and what you won't do. Remember to speak from your vantage point instead of anticipating what your partner wants or how they feel.
3. Set boundaries knowing that you cannot fix your partner's jealousy of them
As we said above, your partner's jealousy is not something you can fix or solve for them. You can be honest about how it feels to be falsely accused. You can be open about how much you'd like the two of you to communicate without arguing.
You can let your spouse know you are willing to support their efforts to overcome jealousy in specific ways. These ways shouldn't include you taking the sole "blame" or giving in to whatever your partner wants to avoid a fight.
Let your mate know you are taking ownership of your role in the disconnection between you. You can also let your spouse know that you want to work as a team as they face jealousy and begin to let it go.
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.