Research Says This Habit Saves Marriages, But Only If You Do It Frequently
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock My husband and I don't go out on dates; we never really have. Research, however, says this is wrong, and if we want to ensure the health and happiness of our marriage, we need to spend our time doing "shared relationship activities."
A few days ago, I signed my husband and me up for one of those drink-while-you-paint date nights. A bunch of my friends have done it, and since my husband and I could agree on the fact that we're both good at drinking, but bad at painting, it seemed like a great way to spend an evening together.
You know, actually doing something, as opposed to doing the nothing that we usually do together. Our class is next Thursday, and I have to say, I'm pretty excited. I never thought I'd be excited about such a thing, but I am. My name is Amanda Chatel, and I'm excited about my date night.
Research says that frequent date nights with your spouse can lead to a happier marriage.
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“The Date Night Opportunity” was a 2023 study of married couples that found that although date nights were not a regular occurrence among most couples, only 48% admitted to regularly taking each other out, those who do prioritize dates at least once or twice a month are happier and have healthier intimacy than couples who don't.
Jeffrey Dew, a fellow at the Wheatley Institute and co-author of the study, explained, “Couples who devote time specifically to dating one another at least once or twice a month are markedly more likely to report better relationship quality compared to couples who do not go on dates as often.” He went on to say, “Because date nights seem to be valuable for couples, grassroots efforts to promote them around the nation may also foster higher-quality relationships and lower divorce rates in their sponsoring communities.”
Another study found that couples who engage in shared activities and experiences have happier relationships.
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Research examining more than 350 long-term relationships found that shared activities and experiences benefited the health and overall quality of the relationship.
It was these couples that reported greater satisfaction and less stress who were even closer than those couples that just did "things" without "purposefully" engaging in activities. If only one half of the couple is having fun, and the other is just faking it, then no good can really come of it, because someone is going without.
The study found that situations like that can lead to more stress within the relationship. Although making the effort and finding the energy to plan a well-thought-out activity that you'll both enjoy may seem trying at times, it's a necessary part of having a successful relationship.
Having fun and sharing a laugh outside the normal day-to-day is essential for a marriage to flourish.
Even if you don't have the funds to go on a hiking trip or sign up for a class (that drink while you paint class wasn't cheap!), it's still paramount to find other activities that will interest you both and keep the romance sparked. Yes, by golly, you have to make an effort to keep the love alive.
Brad Wilcox, the Director of the National Marriage Project, asserted, "Efforts to promote date nights should provide couples with free or inexpensive options to rekindle the romance in their lives."
Dating was fun, and marriage should be too.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist, lifestyle, and intimacy health writer with a focus on relationships, women's reproductive rights, and mental health. Her bylines have appeared in Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others.
