6 Reasons Love Feels Better After 50, Especially If You’ve Done The Work On Yourself
andreswd | Canva Okay, first things first. I am an honest man, so I have to admit that as I write this, I am 49, but in just a few short months, in May, I will be 50. Some may break out in a cold sweat at the thought that life is half over.
Some may deny their age. And some may just resign to life and let it push them the rest of the way to the grave. Not me. I am looking forward to my upcoming years. Life is not about age; it’s about attitude. As I look in the mirror and see a man with less hair and perhaps a few more wrinkles, inside I feel as though I am still in my 20s. Not that I want to physically be 20, rather it was the outlook on life, the possibilities, the excitement of the years yet to come.
None of that has changed. The same sun still rises in the morning. The full moon is still as bright. So why should my outlook have to change? Mentally, time has not dampened my hope; it has amplified it. Physically, time may have limited my activity, but mentally, I am still as young as I have ever been.
And I would argue even more so today than when I was 20, my anticipation for the future is brighter than ever. With time, as thousands of my suns rose, my relationship intelligence has increased. Having a half dozen mid- to long-term relationships, I took the time to learn and grow, and to evolve.
Here are the six reasons love feels better after 50, especially if you’ve done the work on yourself:
1. Love feels better after 50 because you finally know what works
I’ve learned from my past. With each relationship, I’ve reflected on what worked, what didn’t, what I liked, and what I did not. I’ve practiced and refined my relationship skills and feel that I am better at creating love, communicating my personal intimacy preferences, and appreciating the woman beside me.
A ten-year study found that the partners who actively reflect on and invest in their relationship end up emotionally healthier, happier day-to-day, and more bonded over time. Doing the work doesn't just make the relationship better. It makes you better.
2. It feels better because you know what to look for
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My dating and relationship experience has given me a better idea of what I want in a mate. With just that knowledge alone, I am head and shoulders above where I was in my 20s, 30s, and even 40s because I was still learning what I wanted in a partner.
Psychotherapist Ken Page calls this shift moving from "attractions of deprivation" to "attractions of inspiration." That clarity about what you actually want, according to Page, that's the whole game.
3. Love feels better after 50 because of your hard-earned wisdom
Part of experiencing time is the ability to dig deeper into my thoughts. What truly matters? What are the important things in life? Learning and nurturing my emotional intelligence has made me a better partner. Pursuing, practicing, and following my spiritual path has made me a better person.
All these deeper levels of humanity have given me a fonder appreciation and ability to create love. Older adults score higher than younger adults on the things that make someone good to be in a relationship with. A 2022 study explained that this includes self-reflection, empathy, emotional regulation, and the ability to sit with complexity rather than react to it.
4. It feels better because your time actually belongs to you
I love my kids; they are the world to me. As they age and move on with their life, instead of creating a feeling of loss, I create a feeling of renewal and a personal renaissance.
With more "me" time, I can pursue all things I’ve wanted to nurture within me, from playing an instrument to drawing to trying theater. As my life is more fulfilled, so is the energy to share and give to my partner.
A relationship should be a haven, not a battleground, psychotherapist Heather Hans has explained. The partners who build that kind of haven are the ones who haven't lost themselves in the process. When you're out there playing music, sketching, doing theater, pursuing whatever actually lights you up, you come back to your partner with something real to give.
5. Love feels better after 50 because you have financial flexibility
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Yes, I know money can’t buy happiness, but it can sure let you do more things. And with the kids being out of the house and me reaching my peak earning years, the world is truly my oyster. Experiencing these worldly journeys with my partner will make our lives that much fuller.
Partners who are in a stable enough position to pursue shared experiences and move toward shared goals together report higher relationship quality and day-to-day happiness, one study found. The freedom to do more things together is one of the most underrated ingredients in a relationship that keeps getting better.
6. Love feels better after 50 because you finally have a senior discount
Okay, I have to admit, I love Perkins’ pancakes. And pretty much everything else they have on their menu. For years, I have been waiting for their senior discount.
Sure, I’ll have to wait another 5 years and a few months, but when I turn that lucky age of 55, my partner and I will be regulars. And with the money saved, we can go out more often (ha, ha)!
Okay, so the Perkins reason may have been laced with some humor, but I am truly excited for their senior discount, just ask my kids. Can you see the importance? Can you read between the lines and dig deeper?
It's not about the discount or the pancakes. Perkins represents a concept. Be it traveling or having a personal renaissance, our outlook on life is determined by our attitude, not our age.
Me, I say cheers 50 and to your and my wonderful journey beyond that magical number. (But, if you are in a Perkins, look at the booth beside you, you just might see me there).
Psychotherapist Joan E. Childs notes that the couples who make it past four decades together are the ones who found genuine joy in the small, consistent rituals of being with each other. Whether it's a Perkins booth or a backyard at sunset, showing up and savoring the ordinary is what real love looks like in practice.
Bruce Smith and Roge Revak are the co-founders of Divorced Guys, a network created to share information between men to make divorce less impactful on men through education, advocacy, support, and industry change.
