Kids Raised By Mentally & Emotionally Difficult Parents Usually Have 9 Problems In Their Relationships As Adults
PeopleImages | Shutterstock It’s pretty common for people who were raised by difficult parents to say they won’t repeat those mistakes in their own lives, but it’s not always that easy.
When someone doesn’t have a good relationship with their parents, they’re at a higher risk of developing unhealthy romantic relationships. It’s hard for them to escape these problems, even in adulthood.
People usually have these relationship problems if they were raised by mentally and emotionally difficult parents:
1. They feel uncomfortable with stability
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There are probably a lot of people out there who wish their relationship felt more stable, but that can feel wrong to someone who’s used to difficult parents. Their parents created a chaotic environment when they were growing up, so they started to think that was normal.
Unfortunately, traumatic experiences change kids’ brains in a way that makes them feel like they’re always protecting themselves against a threat. As adults, they’ll still feel like they have to be on edge in an unfamiliar situation even if it’s perfectly safe.
2. They do whatever it takes to keep people happy
Kids raised by difficult parents often become the ultimate people-pleasers as adults. They put everyone else’s needs before their own because they’re genuinely afraid of upsetting someone and losing them as a result.
Growing up with their parents taught them to never cause any problems. Because they never stopped, they probably can’t even identify what they want anymore. They’re too wrapped up in pleasing everyone else to notice how they feel.
3. They worry about being left behind
Some difficult parents might go so far as to neglect their children. That can leave them with a deep fear of abandonment that lasts for the rest of their lives because they never learn how to trust people properly.
This is obviously super sad, but it can also lead to the thing someone worries about the most. This fear changes how people act in a way that actually does make others want to leave them sometimes. It’s a cycle that feels terrifying.
4. They put up with anything for love
One of the most dangerous parts of being raised by difficult parents is the way it makes people believe that love is conditional. The first people who were supposed to show them love put them through a lot of pain, so they assumed that was just a normal part of relationships.
Everyone does have to make sacrifices for their relationships to work, but there’s a limit to how far they should go. Occasional compromises are not the same thing as being mistreated and thinking it’s normal. When people love each other, they don’t intentionally cause pain.
5. They feel responsible for others’ feelings
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Relationships do require work, but not in a way that’s meant to feel overwhelming. It’s more like the effort someone puts in because they want to, not because they feel obligated.
People who were neglected as kids often take on too much responsibility as adults, though. Because their parents didn’t help them process their own emotions, they think they have to keep everyone else’s feelings in check. At some point, they’ll have to realize that a relationship isn’t supposed to be some kind of full-time job.
6. They choose people they think they can fix
Depending on the situation, some kids feel like they have to take care of their difficult parents, or even their siblings that they think are being neglected. That can put them in a problem-solving mindset that they never really shake.
This is how people become convinced that they need to step in and save others. They might even choose partners that seem to have some kind of issue they think they can help them with. But when someone depends on that for their self-worth, it puts them on the fast track to burnout.
7. They try to monitor their partner’s mood
Kids who were raised by difficult parents probably learned to read the room pretty quickly, so they knew what mood they were in and how to act so as not to make things even worse.
That’s not a habit that should feel necessary at any age, but they could easily carry it with them into adulthood and use it on their partners. There’s no way to emotionally monitor someone all the time without feeling exhausted by the toll it takes, though.
8. They blame themselves for everything
No one could possibly be responsible for every bad thing that happens, but that truth doesn’t stop people from picking up the habit of chronic self-blame when they’re growing up in uncontrollable circumstances.
This becomes even more unhealthy for adults because there’s more they can claim responsibility for, and doing so will hold them back. They have to learn that some blame isn’t theirs to carry, and if someone else acts like it is, they don’t really care about them.
9. They don’t know how to handle criticism
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Just like almost everything else, the way people respond to criticism is rooted in their childhood. Being raised by parents who made them feel like they didn’t matter, or even like they were causing a problem themselves, is a surefire way for someone to end up taking every piece of criticism they receive way too personally.
They’ll probably be especially insecure about their relationships, so if their partner calls them out on something that’s totally valid, they might withdraw emotionally to feel safe. For them, there’s no difference between constructive criticism and personal attacks.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
