Men Who Seem Adorable At First But Quickly Lose Their Charm Often Say 5 Phrases
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Talking to women shouldn’t be complex. If you want to master talking to women, start with your adorable self, because it's not about learning more things to say; it's about learning what not to say in the first place.
Think about it: would you want to bombard her with all these useless words or lines only to increase your chances of turning her off? (If you keep yapping to her, sooner or later you’ll say something that completely turns her off!) Or do you want to say the least amount of things with the most attraction?
Men who seem cute at first but lose their charm quickly often say these things:
1. 'Where do you want to go on our date?'
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It seems logical. You want to take her somewhere she wants to go so she's happy and enjoys the date. If you take her to her favorite place, it'll be a good date, right? However, many women don't want to be the one who decides everything for the date, and they don't want to go to their favorite place again. She wants you to have a plan.
That doesn't mean you can't make decisions with her. When it comes to picking the venue, include her in the decision process. But just flat-out asking where to go seems like you're trying to impress her. It sounds like you have no plan and no clue where to take a woman. This suggests you haven't been on many dates.
She makes a lot of decisions during the day, and she has to be in decision-making mode at work. But on a date, she wants to relax and go with a plan. It's fine to ask her, "Do you prefer this?" Learn what she likes by getting to know her a bit, but you decide where to go on the date.
"Be brief and concise when talking about yourself, and ask curious questions about your date," relationship coach Amy Schoen also recommends. "Most importantly, listen and make it obvious that you're interested in what she has to say and that you want to learn more about her. It’s recommended that you let her talk 60 percent of the time, and you take the remaining 40 percent. This way, you're showing you're invested in learning about her."
2. 'Can I have your number?'
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Asking for her number implies you don't know whether she's attracted to you, which is why you're asking. This is a lack of confidence. You don't believe she would be attracted to a guy like you. It sounds logical, but it usually comes off as very unconfident. Instead, say something, "Let's exchange numbers," or "You seem cool. What's your number?" These presuppose you believe she likes you.
She might still say "no," but it makes you feel much more confident. On that note, say it with certainty. If your tone is going up and you seem uncertain, she's probably going to say "no." Or, if she gives you her number, she probably won't text you back. If she says "no" because she has a boyfriend, doesn't feel comfortable, or doesn't know you well enough to give out her number, remain calm and cool because it's no big deal.
3. 'You're so beautiful'
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There's nothing wrong with complimenting a woman. But when you say it like, "You are sooooo beautiful!" it sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal. The key to giving a compliment is to say it with confidence, not like she's above you and you're below her.
When you compliment a woman, especially if you're starting a conversation, be direct and tell her the real reason you're there. Women appreciate honesty and the courage it takes. Plus, if you use some indirect, weird pick-up artist opener, she knows you're there because you're attracted to her as an object, and it makes you appear less confident.
Dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan explains from a woman's point of view: "A quality man wants to know what you like and what makes you happy. He doesn't only talk about himself or his plans for you, and he doesn't go on and on about how great you are, because he wants to get to know you before showing how strong his interest is. He takes his time, in a good way. Men who rely on flattery don't make time to see you, or they show up in a big way at first, only to then disappear."
4. 'Can I buy you a drink?'
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There's nothing wrong with buying a woman a drink, even if you just met her. But using it as a conversation starter isn't a good idea. It can make it seem like you're paying for her time or attention.
If you want to talk to her, go talk to her. Don't send her a drink from across the bar or go over and say, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" You don't know anything about her. Why the heck would you even want to buy her a drink? It's like saying, "Here's some money! Can I buy five minutes of your time?"
Maybe you've done it before, and it worked. But, most likely, she didn't like you. So, should you even buy a woman a drink at all? Yes, if you want to and you're not using it as a bargaining chip. If you want to get a drink yourself and it's just the customary thing to do, it's the social norm to say, "Hey, I'm going to get a drink at the bar. You want one?" There's nothing wrong with that. It's even a good way to move things forward if she's open to you.
5. 'Can I kiss you?'
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Asking for her phone number presupposes you don't think she would be attracted to you, which shows you're not confident in yourself. You might do this to try to save face.
You don't want to go for a kiss only for her to turn away and say she's not ready. You need to see if she's OK with it. Instead of asking, "Can I kiss you?" say, "You know, I kind of want to kiss you right now." And just notice her reaction.
If it's "No," stop. If it isn't "No," then slowly move forward and see her reaction. You could even ask her if she's a good kisser and see how she responds. You could also ask her if she would like to kiss you, which is a lot more powerful. It assumes she likes you and may want to kiss you. And if she says "yes," you kiss her.
If you lean in for a kiss and she pulls away or says a statement that shows she's not ready, stop. It's no big deal, so don't take it personally. Don't complain or get angry. Just change the subject, move on.
Your conversation is immensely important for attraction because when you get her attention and you have her in front of you, what you say will make or break your chances of getting the attraction right. You can either attract her with what you have to say or turn her off.
Matt Artisan is a leading dating expert who helps men transform their lives and build authentic relationships. He created Turn Her On Through Text, the C.Q.C. Day Game Method, and the 2-Minute Chase Me Method.
