If You’ve Done These 3 Little Things Together, You’re More In Sync Than 95% Of People In Love
Juan Vargas | Canva Nothing beats the simple moment when you realize your two-person team is in perfect synch. Being in sync is a sign of success in a healthy relationship where both partners have put in the effort to adapt and grow.
Many little things throughout the day can demonstrate how in sync a couple is. Many synchronized couples could list a dozen ways a day they recognize how they mesh well with their partner. These little details are important to the couple, but not as a long list of items.
If you’ve done these three little things together, you’re more in sync than most people in love:
1. You can effortlessly read each other's moods
Noticing the details is the littlest thing a couple can do together to strongly show they are absolutely in synch. The Gottman Institute described "emotional intimacy in a relationship as when two people share a connection and feel a closeness that allows them to share their innermost feelings while feeling safe and supported. This type of intimacy requires emotional intelligence on the part of both partners. Emotional intelligence is being able to manage and understand your own emotions while also being able to attune to your partner's feelings, too."
When I was married, there were household chores (like putting a fitted sheet on the bed) that went much faster with two people. At some point, if one of us said "time to change the bedding," we automatically knew the routine and did it like machines. We had a few other house and car chores where we were robotically aligned to get the job done together. We just did the thing that needed doing and didn't have to talk about it.
2. You move and think in sync
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A high level of synchronization goes even deeper than household chores. Researchers investigated couples' body odors and discovered that human body odor affects brain-to-brain synchronization and feelings of social closeness to form meaningful bonds and connections. So, while muscle memory automatically kicks in when changing the bedsheets, you're also getting a good whiff of synchronization.
A study showed how bodily synchronization is a human trait when agreeable partners interact. Even strangers will coordinate their movements when they are having a good conversation. It's a tiny thing in a relationship, yet it reveals something meaningful. These nearly invisible routines are scattered through your daily life but involve a team effort nonetheless. If you have that tiny comfort in your life, where boring tasks become satisfying collaboration, you're one of the luckiest couples out there.
3. You can communicate with a single glance
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I love it when I'm at a party, and notice that a couple seems to be communicating only with their eyes with their partner across the room. When you can communicate volumes with a single look, you've achieved a level of intimacy that transcends ordinary conversation. To me, it's a sign of true love and lasting romance.
Most couples never reach this level because it requires sustained attention, genuine curiosity about your partner's inner world, and absolute trust. High bar indeed! Researchers explored the ways unconscious defenses are triggered in the brain and can cause a person to become cognitively inactive in the face of conflict. Couples who are aware enough to pick up on their partner's unconscious triggers and adapt communication in conflict have worked diligently to maintain their synchronization.
Couples who can talk with their eyes have developed what renowned American psychologist Dr. John Gottman called "emotional attunement," which is the ability to accurately perceive and respond to your partner's internal state without verbal cues. This signals you're not just coexisting or going through the motions.
As a couple, you are actively tracking each other emotionally throughout the day. Nonverbal cues of intimacy, attraction, and trust are signaled through eye contact and proximity from early on in a relationship. As a couple, it means you know each other so well that a slight shift in expression tells you everything you need to know about how they're feeling, what they need, or what they're thinking.
Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D., is a board-certified therapist who focuses on helping adults overcome both functional and emotional problems from a progressive perspective.
