People Who Are Chronically Single Usually Have 7 Desperate Traits In Common
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Wanting love too badly can make it even harder to find.
People who are chronically single may blame bad luck, terrible dating apps, or a limited dating pool, but those aren't always the only things standing in their way. Sometimes, desperate dating habits affect how they choose partners and respond when someone promising comes along. These behavioral patterns don't make someone completely undateable, but recognizing the traits may help explain why love keeps slipping away.
Chronically single people have 7 desperate traits in common:
1. They don't have interests or passions of their own
Most people meet because they share a common interest, such as running, traveling, rock climbing, or playing soccer, etc. But even when they don’t have common interests, people are drawn to people who have a passion for something.
People who haven't developed their own interests or passions of their own struggle to connect with potential partners. Having something they care about can make conversation easier and help them build a fulfilling life outside of dating. People with a passion for something are also happier, according to research in The Psychology of Well-Being.
2. They have impossible standards that no one can meet
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These are the people who declare they are only looking for six-foot Brazilian supermodels who are MENSA members, speak five languages, and love spending Friday nights watching old reruns. They use the old “I have high standards” excuse to justify it when they can’t find a suitable mate, but there’s some sort of psychological blockage that doesn’t allow them to fall for anyone, although they insist they’re genuinely looking.
They project the blame onto their "standards" instead of looking inward at what they want. It's important to have a set of standards when dating, and research from 2017 agrees, but the standards can't be unattainable.
3. They'll do almost anything to feel loved
People like this do have lasting relationships, but they don’t stay happy for very long. They try to become the perfect girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife because they think constantly pleasing a partner will make them worthy of love. But then they become exhausted when their partner starts taking them for granted or taking advantage of them. As a result, their efforts feel unappreciated, and they get bitter and cheat… or leave.
Feeling appreciated in a relationship can help it grow, according to research from 2023, and without it, a relationship can break down. Do unto others as you would have them do to you…but don’t expect them to just because you did.
4. They change themselves to match whoever they're interested in
You know the type. That guy becomes vegan when he dates the hot PETA activist. The girl gets a tattoo because her new boyfriend is covered in them.
This sounds cliché, but many people seem to think this is a normal code of conduct for attracting a mate. People who constantly reinvent themselves for a partner may move from one relationship to another without building the honest connection needed for lasting commitment. Being your authentic self gives you the best chance at finding love, studies from 2019 confirm.
5. They let everyone else's opinions control their own
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Will my mom like him? Will he get along with my dad? Will my sister think it’s weird that he still lives with roommates? Will my friends think she’s cool? She’s a cat person. Will my dog like her?
All of the opinions can confuse them to the point that they can’t even tell their own opinions from everyone else’s. It’s tough to find someone to marry who will meet the needs of 20 people/animals.
6. They ignore red flags
Not the same as delusional, more like selective reality. Ever have a friend who dated a terrible guy, but got belligerently angry when you so much as hinted at any flaw in his behavior? Someone may excuse a partner's controlling behavior as protectiveness or concern, even when friends point out that the behavior is unhealthy. Concerned friends may try to speak up before the relationship becomes even more serious.
7. They settle because they don't believe they deserve better
How can one find someone worthy of being their lifelong partner if they don’t think they deserve it? You deserve the best. Because you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. You have to believe you deserve love to find the love you need.
Melanie Höglind is a freelance writer, author, and contributor to the Huffington Post, BlogHer, and more.
