'Worn Down' Boyfriend Can't Stand Girlfriend Using Her Recent ADHD Diagnosis As An Excuse For Everything
She even said therapy is "out of the question."
PeopleImages | Shutterstock A boyfriend turned to Reddit for advice because after his girlfriend was diagnosed with ADHD, she started using it as an excuse for everything. From minor things like being late to bigger relationship issues, he feels like he can't address anything without her her going on the defensive. To make matters worse, she flat-out refuses to seek any therapy.
Relationships take a lot of hard work, but both partners need to be engaged in that work in order for the relationship to thrive. That's exactly what's wrong in this situation. It's only for better or worse if both parties try their best during the worst parts to get back to better.
A 'worn down' boyfriend said his girlfriend uses her ADHD as an excuse for everything.
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In his Reddit post, the boyfriend explained that his girlfriend recently visited a specialist and got diagnosed with ADHD. "I have no doubt she has it," he wrote, adding that he encouraged her to get the diagnosis because she needed to get the help. After seeing a specialist, but before receiving a formal diagnosis, he said there was a period when she significantly improved, but once the official diagnosis was confirmed, it all went downhill.
ADHD became her excuse for everything that went wrong in the relationship. If she felt angry because the boyfriend drove a different way home, if she was being too critical, and even if she got mad because he was "breathing too loudly in bed," the blame would be put on ADHD.
A diagnosis of ADHD is not an excuse to simply behave badly.
"I am so tired of hearing how it's not her fault and it's the ADHD," he wrote. The boyfriend then explained that he does believe the disorder plays a large role in his girlfriend's behavior, but that doesn't mean he has to simply accept it.
She refuses treatment of any kind and told him, "This is just who she is, and I have to accept it." But he is absolutely right to feel frustrated because her way of thinking is not healthy. As one commenter noted, "Just because she has ADHD doesnt mean she cant take responsibility for her diagnosis. This goes for any and all mental health issues. You are 100% responsible for managing them."
A diagnosis gives a patient an opportunity to make life more manageable. It's not, however, a permission slip to be selfish.
He wrapped up the post by explaining that he just feels tired of this dynamic. He has had to put his feelings aside, he argued, and accept the way she is, even if it makes him upset. After her diagnosis, she sort of stopped being accountable for her mistakes.
Treatment can help people diagnosed with ADHD.
To understand this story better, it's essential to understand the symptoms associated with ADHD. According to the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Association, an organization focused on providing resources to adults with ADHD, chronic lateness and poor time management, as this boyfriend described, are common among individuals with a formal diagnosis.
The same with relationship struggles and communication issues. The cause for this is that adults with ADHD might fail to fulfill responsibilities, commitments, or promises, as well as have trouble regulating emotions. The association explained that those with ADHD might experience impatience under stress, become persistently irritable, have frequent reactive mood changes, and more.
What's important to note, however, is that once diagnosed, a treatment plan can help individuals cope with these symptoms, allowing them to continue their lives without hindrance. According to the Mayo Clinic, standard treatments for ADHD in adults often involve medication, education, skills training, and psychological counseling. These treatments, although not a cure, can help manage the symptoms.
So, no, this boyfriend should not simply walk on eggshells in his relationship, but he should give his girlfriend some time to adjust to the diagnosis and the possibility of treatment. Regardless of having ADHD or not, relationships require communication. If she isn't willing to communicate with her boyfriend and come to some sort of resolution that is beneficial to them both, then it might be better to part ways.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
