Stepmom Asks How To Get Her Husband To Stop Funding His Grown Son Who Doesn’t Want To Get A Job Or Be An ‘Adult’
SpeedKingz / Shutterstock A stepmother has admitted that she's reached her wits' end with her husband, who is continuing to financially support his son when she feels that he doesn't deserve it.
The unnamed stepmother called into a podcast hosted by George Kamel, a personal finance expert, bestselling author, and co-host of "The Ramsey Show," and claimed that she needed help with how to address this issue with her husband.
Stepmom wants her husband to stop funding his adult son, who doesn't want to get a job or be an 'adult.'
Kamel shared the woman's advice question in a TikTok video, and she explained that she has a 23-year-old stepson who is completing the second semester of his senior year in college. While he's in school, her husband has been paying his tuition, rent, utilities, and payments on his car.
She claimed that her husband does everything for his son, but her stepson has said that when he graduates from college, he not only doesn't plan on getting a job, but he also has no interest in being an "adult" or doing anything for himself. Instead, he wants to basically live off of his father.
"How do I try to get my husband on board? Because, you know, I've had the discussion many times, and his response is, 'It's my money. I can do whatever I want,'" she recalled. Kamel interjected, claiming that her husband's response was part of the problem, as he deemed the decision to be his since it was his money, and his wife didn't have any say or vote in the matter.
Kamel also claimed that it sounded as if her husband had been trying to "buy" his son's love by providing for him financially instead of teaching him to provide for himself. "If he doesn't have this anymore then the relationship will need some repair," he continued. "That's what's lying underneath all of this. But the conversation he needs to have with his son is, 'I've been doing a really terrible job raising you into the man that I want you to be and what you need to be."
Kamel advised her to encourage her husband to set new boundaries and rules with his son.
Moving forward, Kamel told the stepmother that her husband needs to let his son know that once he finishes school, he can't depend on the money of others and needs to start coming up with a plan to become an adult, because there's no choice but to be one.
Kamel claimed that her husband needs to say that his son will have to finish school in two years or else he won't be paying for the tuition anymore. For the time being, his son will need to take over payments on his car and get a part-time job. "Guess what? The son's not gonna like that, is he? But that's between them at that point," he says. "That's why you need to put the ball back in his court, and he needs to be a man and be a husband. It needs to be our money, which means you get a vote."
It's quite understandable that this stepmother would be annoyed with the idea that her stepson has no interest in getting a job and providing for himself. However, that's unfortunately the case for a lot of young adults coming out of college and entering the post-grad chapter of their lives.
Most young adults don't feel prepared to actually be adults.
A survey conducted by the Mary Christie Institute found that of 1,005 adults, between 22 and 28 with at least a bachelor's degree, most were emotionally unprepared to survive in the 9-to-5 workplace. Among key findings, more than half admitted to seeking help for emotional problems, including anxiety or depression, in the previous year. Another 53% noted experiencing burnout at least once a week. The survey also found that 39% blamed their college for not teaching them workplace skills or emotional and behavioral standards.
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It can be easy for parents to stick the label of "lazy" and "entitled" on their adult children, and while it's important that young adults learn how to be financially independent and that getting a job, while not ideal, is something that every person needs to do to survive and live, there's nothing wrong with graduating college and having no idea what you want to do with your life.
There's a lot of pressure on 20-somethings to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives, and sometimes it's okay to not know and just figure it out along the way. However, you can't depend on the wallets of your parents forever, and at one point or another, you need to learn how to walk on your own two feet and support yourself.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience
