Stepfather Asks If He’s Wrong To Refuse To Tattoo Stepson's Name Alongside His Biological Children's
Is he alienating his stepson?
Melike B | Pexels A stepfather received a ton of backlash after confessing that he didn't get his stepson's name tattooed on his arm, even though he has his biological children's names. Needless to say, his wife was especially displeased.
Posting to Reddit, the stepfather, 36, explained that he has two children from his previous marriage, a 9-year-old son and a 7-year-old daughter. He's been with his current wife, 35, for the past four years, and they have a 1-year-old daughter together. His wife also has an 8-year-old son from her previous marriage, and all of their children live with them. "My kids' mother has visitations one weekend a month, her son's dad isn't involved at all," he wrote in the Reddit post. The man already has the names of his two eldest children tattooed on his arm and recently decided to add his youngest daughter's name as well.
His wife asked him if he would get his stepson's name tattooed, but he refused.
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The man told his wife, "I have no intention of tattooing his name." He told her that he only has the names of his children tattooed. His wife told him that if he didn't get his stepson's name, the young boy would feel excluded, considering he's part of their family as well.
The man refused and "proceeded to only tattoo my daughter's name." His wife was extremely upset and called him "all sorts of things." Unsurprisingly, his decision is causing conflict within their blended family.
It's easy for stepchildren to feel excluded and jealous in a blended family.
Most commenters agreed that the dad was wrong in the situation, and heavily criticized him for leaving his stepson out on purpose, while others pointed out that he's not the little boy's biological dad, and therefore isn't required to tattoo his name if he doesn't want to. And no, he certainly doesn't have to, but he's also really the only father figure this boy has, and this could end up hurting the young man, making him feel more rejected than he probably already does.
"You've been a father figure to him for half his life, poor boy will probably be shattered when he realizes you don't actually see him as yours," one user wrote. Another noted, "He married his mom knowing he was part of the package. He's making him feel unwanted in his own home. Kids notice. These children are growing up as a family and need to nurture that since they need to be there for each other as adults. He should never have married her if he couldn't open his heart to include him as his child."
According to the parenting experts at 2Houses, it's important to "Treat your children and your step-children the same from day one. The same punishments, the same privileges, the same curfews, and bedtimes." They added, "You don’t want to give them a reason to resent each other, or to resent you or your partner. So, make sure you treat every child equally to avoid any complications. That means you should be supporting your step-children like you would your children ... That way, they’ll feel like you respect them and your relationship as much as you do your biological children."
Is getting all the other kids' names inked on his arm going to make this young boy feel equal? Probably not, and mom has every right to be upset about it. But perhaps there is a way to make everyone happy. Stepson and stepdad can have a special tattoo that is both different and poignant. Something they can both agree on that shows love and respect, but also signifies that they aren't blood but still family.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
